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The Bathtub

During my first years in college. I was so devastated. I don't have people that I can caption as friends but instead acquaintances. My grades were low and I felt ugly inside and out. I often have dreams that if I die the only people that will cry our my parents and relatives. I realized my death is that so easy to be forgotten and people will just move on.

I decided to bring my stereo inside our bathroom, tune up the music and fill the bathtub with water. I looked at myself in the mirror and had second thoughts of doing it. I went inside the tub and slowly submerging my body until my neck is in the water. I glanced at the plain walls and bid goodbye to the word. As I close my eyes and slowly submerging myself. I stop my body for holding my breath and try to take in the water and drown myself easily so the pain will easily fade. I suddenly heard a frantic voice of my mother and rose up out of the bathtub, coughing out the water. She asked me why was I taking so long to take a bath and didn't even replied to her early shouts. She accused me of sleeping and I just justified her suspicion. She sermon me on how stupid and foolish I was to sleep in the tub I could have drown. In my thoughts, if only mother you knew what was my purpose at that time.

I thank God, my mother was the instrument that save my life. I may not have someone like a friend to be with but the love of my family are the ones that can fill up the hole in my heart. People who want to commit suicide. Someone is there for you, just look carefully and your heart will find it

Dumstey Dumstey 18-21, F 11 Responses Aug 19, 2010

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I tried the exact thing but instead of my mum it was my step brother i love my brother for saveing me and god i have no Friends at all my only friends are my mum and step brother im not exactly Emo or gothic im just me i moved from Perth Australia to Brisbane Australia i love it here i dont go to school anymore i get HomeSchooled im a girl just tryna find friends is that so hard to ask ever sense my dad and little sisster died ive been a mess my dad and little sisster were driveing to they airport and on the way they crashed me and my mum were waiting for them to come pick us up cause we just got back from 'NZ' we heard because my mum got a phone call we started crying and got a taxi. so yea after that my mum and i moved to brisbane and see found a guy with two sons 16 and 18 and i was 15. <br />
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Your all ways in my mind dad and loicey R.I.P

We just need to conjure up our strenght to move on.

I used to try to drown myself in my tub. hoping that the problems would go away and hoping that people would stop making my life a living hell. i would use duck tape and hope my breath for a long time until i nearly passed out. the last moments i would remember the major horse shows coming up and my mother would die even though i wish she wasnt around me. I did try to commit suicide many times and going to go for real sometime soon because my life just makes others worse and i would be doing people a favor,

missed you too :)

:)) i always do now...<br />
&hearts; EP more than FB yeah!!..<br />
you didn't reply my message...

@beautituelip<br />
damn gurl ur rarely online:(( i missed yah:))<br />
awweee.. don't worry gurl I won't do that ever again lol;)) <br />
My family are one of the reasons I'm still alive and kicking lol:))<br />
Wish you all have a beautiful lives

Dumstey..don't do that again...on't ever think of it..life it's so beautiful and at the moment we think nobody loves, cares about us..we were wrong!.<br />
thanks for sharing the story girl :)<br />
Moms really have these kind of sixth sense and they know if the kids is having problems..<br />
I didn't have friends who commit suicide but if that happens in future..definitely i'll be blaming myself for the rest of my life for not be there for him/her when they need me the most.<br />
Take Care Dumstey :)

@uliftmeup<br />
awwee tnx gurl:)) damn I missed you *hugs back*<br />
I won't have any new thoughts about suicide ever again because I simply love life:)<br />
tnx for thecomment!!:))

HOn i hope you'll never have the third thought to commit anything like this again... just love yourself, i guess you know that by now, that even nobody's for you at one moment, you still have yourself... and who knows what u will do good were you alive :) <br />
<br />
thank you for sharing your experience Dumstey! *hugs close*

@jus<br />
wow, having a friend that actually committed suicide must have been depressing. I can't bear the thought of someone close to me to commit suicide. And can't help but think that you are liable and feel responsible for his death. I hope that you cherish the years you've spent with your friend. Thank you for your comment you gave me the view of valuing the beauty of life.

I have never attempted suicide however, I did just recently lose my best friend who did commit the act. I think maybe he felt the same way that by doing it no one would miss him except maybe a few relatives who would soon eventually forget and then miracously move on with their lives immediately after. He was so wrong! The grief that he has left behind for so many people to deal with is undescribeable! If only he would have known that so many people loved him sooo much and cared about him maybe he would have changed his mind. The pain that we all have been left with is a wide array of emotions that include being a little angry at him for not talking to those of us who he was close to, blaming ourselves for not being able to be there obviousy when he needed someone to be there for him, angry at one another for not noticing any possible signs, the hurt of knowing that he would cause himself harm, overwhelming sadness, unanswered questions, and so many more thoughts and emotions that I can't even explain. It's amazing how when you lose somene close you (especially to suicide), you manage to remember almost every single conversation that you have ever had with that person, even those conversations that seemed the most insignificant at the time. Personally, I wish so much that I could have been by his side the day of his death to reassure him that no matter how hard or bad things may have seemed, "this too shall pass!" There was so much that I wanted to tell him. We had 14 years of life to enjoy with eachother. Of course there is nothing to do to bring him back, however there is no one that will EVER replace him. So I'm saying this to say even when you feel alone and like you have no one, you do! It's just a matter of reaching out to others to explain to them that you are feeling down and that you are having those thoughts. It doesn't make you weird or crazy to reach out for this kind of help. Ultimately, you and those around you will be glad that you did! I wish you all the best in life!!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
From,<br />
Someone who is still mourning the lost of a close friend

@Marji<br />
<br />
She is such a remarkable mom you've got a point there she did save my life twice. If I have recurring thoughts again, I think I found the person I can confide in my family. And congratulations for your 25 years of marriage. Wish I could be like you one day and find someone that is there for me until my last breathe.. Thank you and have a nice life:)