Will The Numbness Every Go Away?
I hate myself and my life. why?? I really don't know. I have a great life, a loving family, caring friends, a good job and, a good education. None of this seems to matter to me. I just want to end it all. Have done for as long as i can remember but its only in the past year that i have done anything about it. yes i used to self harm before then but last year i really gave up. I took an overdose then i called my nest friend to apologize to her for the things that i had said to her. i begged her forgiveness. You see i had had an argument with my boyfriend of the time because of something she had said. i shouted at her over the phone and told her that i didn't want to talk to her anymore. obviously after i had taken the overdose i felt i should apologize to her. I didn't want her to think that my death was her fault. She never answered so i felt even worse, left her voice messages begging for forgiveness. Turns out she was at Uni. Needless to say she found out and rushed over along with her mum and my father. The psychotherapist i saw didn't give a flying **** about me just said i did it because my boyfriend had upset me even though i'd admitted self harm and suicidal thoughts previous to this experience. I was realized from hospital and put on a course of Anti-depressants by my Doctor. I felt like things were getting better. I moved in with my boyfriend, thought things were going to be great with us. What a joke! I fell out with my parents, friends and the rest of my family. He started to treat me differently and i just felt so alone and numb. I got out of there with the support of my family, but he didn't disappear. I got threats and tried to end my life again to settle things but i didn't succeed. From then i've tried to be happy and change my life for the better but i still feel numb. I still want to die. I just want this to all be over, let someone else have a go at life instead of me. I don't tell anyone how i feel not even my councilor. I can't, nobody really understands what its like unless its happened to them. This has not happened to any of my friends. Why won't my life just end!!!