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Giving In

-There was the time I slit my wrists.
-The time I tried to drown myself.
-The time I tried to suffocate myself.
-Now I'm just starving myself. 

I can feel it now more than ever. It's stronger than ever. I was so strong once; I could go hungry for days-sometimes weeks at a time but now my hands are always stiff, numb and blue and my feet are always numb and my legs hurt...my hair is turning white but I can't stop and I don't want to. I enjoy facing the mirror in just my night clothes and shoving a handful of laxatives down my throat.....I guess I just enjoy putting myself through pain and seeing myself bleed but for some reason each suicide attempt I endure fails and leaves me even further from where I began. 
WordHustler1995 WordHustler1995 16-17, F 3 Responses Apr 6, 2012

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I can empathize with all that. I ask myself why wont this body just die a lot, yet it i continue to breathe and my heart keeps on beating in defiance of the agony that has swallowed my life. I cut myself all the time now, I despise my very existence. Everyday I wake to endure yet another cliche or pat phrase about how it's all supposed to get better, the stuff they tell us that so that they can feel better. All I can say is that I hear you, I don't have any answers either. I suffer deeply too.

You know what to do find people at school who had the same thought look at someone who had the same story and become friends I used to be a lonely person but I found people who were similar like me and know I don't feel so lonely, and if you can't find nobody go to the counseler and she can help you trust me the counseler are great help belive it or not.Mine helped me a lot. Hope this helped

Please don't make yourself pass through this pain. I also had the thought of suiciding myself because I was so overwhelmed with schoolwork but then I realized what for I was gifted with being healthy having parents wealthy and supporting me. In life there is always a precious memory we keep safe think about that precious memory and live your life. Think about all the people who will be sad if you die your friends, and family.Please don't make a mistake that you will regret forever. Hope this helps.

Thank you!
I don't really have friends because people 'scare' me so I spend most of my time alone thinking or doing sit ups even though it hurts. I am finding all the comments on this post really helpful. I felt so alone and helpless before...now I feel like I'm not 'alone' anymore.
Thank you so much.