The Lost Spirit

We know the material death well...when God removes the coat of life leaving behind a spirit that has no body. Have you ever wondered what of God took the spirit but left the coat of life leaving an empty shell?
For those who truly want to die its because the empty shell gets lonely and death seems like the only solution . I am a survivor of the yellow ribbon based solely on my blind faith in Christ. I have been suicidal my whole life since I was a small child I felt I didn't matter anyway why am I here? My wolf cries are silent because my mother made me feel shameful so I keep it to myself. Many hours locked in a bathroom alone scared angry...why am I here?.. These trips to the bathroom have played an important roll in my faith and why I will never turn on my Christ. For many years I saw the other side of that door because I believed God would not forgive suicide. My God has a reason for why I am here and why I must survive. Which leads to my common knowledge of Satans place in my life he is the liar who puts these awful lies in my head.
A few years ago I witnessed a suicide a close friend her wolf cries were loud and I am not surprised she succeeded. This did bring into question my faith there is no way a righteous creator would condemn this girl to hell! Her life path close to my own only without the faith. In the last year I hit a bottom it's as if I could freely the spirit being torn from my body...I began to plan to ensure my children were in a proper place my mother was away from my children ...I had it all planned the only thing stopping me now I wouldn't do it right leaving fear in the hearts of my children so I cried out loud to my only daughter and how I know that special friend . Moving in with her put me in the path of her children watching them grow without her has helped me to realize its not my own life I want to end its the corruption that makes me feel that way. God used the spirit of this angel whisper to save me one last time cause now I'd much rather live to fight back purple ribbon...domestic violence leads to self affliction resulting in suicide. To survive either of these ribbon colors one has only to make that choice. Although I have no fear of the other side of death for the first time in my whole life I am not suicidal! I fear life more than death the difference is I'm no longer praying for the easy way out I'm no longer depressed...I'm now pissed off enough to do something about it. In this journey there is one rule that must be followed to seek peace without fear of conflict that restores peace.