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Im Still Here

My life has been one mess after another I was the problem child always the blame for everything.... my whole life ive shoved everything down just let it create this rage inside of me made my walls go up never letting anyone in. Last Thanksgiving was one of the worst days of my life.....umm this is a little hard to say my mother on holidays or when ever wed go to her parents house my mother and my grandmother would put a shock coller rounded my next and they would shock me when ever they felt I needed it. When i would try to take it off they would shock me till I'd pass out. Last thanksgiving was no different I fought then every step of the way and they couldn't get it on so they threw me out of the house when it was freezing with no coat and shoes to sit there why they all ate. I walked home and called my dad to see if he would help me Idk i just needed someone to talk to...before I could say anything he yelled at me for calling and hung up so I just wanted to die nothing mattered anymore. I took 22 pills (10 mussle relaxer 2risprodones 10 vics) I took them with some alcohol and i don't remember anything but trying to get up and falling waking up in my bed about a day later.
I should have died but something kept me here and for the next few months I felt really bad about it. I just needed to Finaly get it out and talk tell someone.
notokay2 notokay2 18-21, F 5 Responses Jun 18, 2012

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You shldnt be ashamed it wasnt your fault. If anything you should be proud you've survived this.

You are so sweet, you just keep on trying,you are so beautiful on the inside, you know in your comment above>> you said that you are willing to listen if anyone needed it. Well, can I listen to you, if you ever need it. About your boyfriend, when you have moved on to a really nice guy, who will love you for you, he will wish he could come back. But the chance will be gone . DO NOT EVER FEEL ASHAMED OF YOUR PAST. YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT.Keep going strong !!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are amazing! Don't let life make you feel ashamed of what your mother did to you. Keep telling your story as someday a child might hear your words and it will inspire them to live just one more day everyday!keep you head up if you need a friend I am here.

thank you ...yeah my life is well my life its alot better now that i moved out but all this stuff leaves scars and there hard to work threw but i guess just take it one step at a time ya know. Friends sound good to me i dont really have alot and the ones i do dont really know about my past and all the things my mother did to me but it would be nice to finaly stop color coding everything. i told my boyfriend well we just break up i let him in and he used it all against me thats why we broke up and so im being guared again. im a really good listener if you ever need anyone to talk to too.

That must be extremely hard.....I never thought someone could have it worse than I have...My life wasn't the greatest and I cannot really relate to this but I can be a friend and help you get through it...I'm always here to listen if you just need someone to talk to....