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Keep Running Up That Hill

A week ago, in New Orleans, I wandered up to the rooftop of my hotel planning to end it all right there. For a long time, I just sat there thinking about everything. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't certain that I was ready to go. I've been depressed for a few years and thought of suicide often. However, I found the tiniest, simplest reason to live: why not. Sure it hurts, but eventually life will be worth living. Since that day, and a few other failed attempts (I never completely went through with it) things have turned around. In the face of my depression I wear a smile now, I let myself be happy, which has seemed impossible for years. I finally decided to fight back. My biggest mistake was never reaching out for help, and there were many times that I nearly ended my life. I am so thankful that I didn't. There is still a long, long road ahead of me, but at least now I am walking in the right direction. My fight has not been nearly as difficult as some of yours, I'm certain, and I admire all of your strength. We are the survivors of a cruel disease, and hopefully there will be a day when we take back our lives.
jusydeadnotsleeping jusydeadnotsleeping 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 26, 2012

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im glad u didnt do it.. ;) all u needed was some reflection... life is short anyway.. why die now?? fulfill your dreams...

Thank you. I felt that dreams didn't matter at the time, and I know others are going through much worse. It was luck that got me through, never my own strength, but i am so glad

it is a sign... trust me.. i ahd the same thing going on with me... i know i was like that too .. i just didnt give a ****.. but i wasnt gonna jump off a cliff... i jsut thought i was gonna get raped or shot eventually n it wasnt worth doing sll this work when im possibly ginna die out here.. but i got that out my mind... more optimistic now... i heard other people with worse lives n they still made it.. its that slight bit of inspiration that i need it n it made me resilient..