Theatrical PlaysSetting out into the mist, not worried where I'm going, what I'm doing or who I'm seeing. All I know is that this, this is paradise.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 5th grade. The grade I fell in love with a guy that will never love me. I felt like I could tell him anything, give him my heart and trust him with it, let him break down my walls and help me escape a fantasy I lived in since I was born. The world never revolved around me and still doesn't. I hate being center of attention. I sit in the back of the classroom in the far left corner in every single class I have. This guy that I went to school with since Elementary School and Middle School. He moved in 5th grade. I moved in 7th grade to a school and then he moved to my school. Some say it was fate and I let it slip away. I say it was Satan's way of saying he's waiting for me and that's just a reminder that I am a waste of space, fugly and stupid for falling in love. I remember this Friday that we had an assembly. He has been at my school for at least a week. Everyone already knew that I liked Michael. So, my friend Brittany came up to me. I was swinging on two chairs, thinking about the assembly and what it was going to be about. Then Brittany asks me, "You like Michael, right?" I was totally shocked, I didn't know what to say, but I wasn't going to lie, so, I nodded my head cautiously and said "Yeah..." and then that's when it happened. "Okay. You guys are officially dating." My heart froze. My soul felt free. My depression was gone and I could feel the breeze of the mist I've been envying since I got the depression. I counted 3 seconds. 1......2.......3...and then he said the worst thing a girl can ever hear from her boyfriend, even if they were only dating for 3 seconds. "I'd rather date a ****** than her." My heart was crushed. I felt alone and I felt the tears running down my cheeks like rivers. I ran to hide underneath the closest table I could find. Everyone is saying, "Where's Kasey? Where did Kasey go? Has anyone seen Kasey?" Then my friend Emily spotted me. "I found her!" She came under the table with me and sat next to me. "What are you doing under here?" I had no choice but to cry because I could feel the pain of not being able to scream at the top of my lungs. I decided to walk home that day. I screamed so loud. The screams felt like I was screaming bloody-murder. I kept screaming WHY? WHY? WHY? I die everyday after that. I died even more when I saw Michael in my classes and through the hallway. The following Monday I saw him and tried to ignore him through the whole day. He eventually stopped me and said the words I tried not to believe; "I wasn't talking about you." Then the Valentines day dance came up. I went and I wasn't able to function when I saw him and my best friend Lexi. She lied to me telling me she didn't like him. I saw it coming. They were flirting a lot and talking more and more and then one day, I overheard Michael talking about Lexi. He said that when he saw her, instant "*****." I could handle that because I knew nothing would become of it, but then Valentines Day dance came. They were dancing and kissing and I felt betrayed. That's what set me off. I tried to slit my wrists far enough to hit my vein and die. I cut my wrist deep.
When I awoke in the hospital, the Doctor came in and she told me that if I cut any farther, I would've hit my main vein and I would've died. My thoughts I bet you can figure out I was grieving. If only I never loved him. If only I was smart enough to realize to back off. If only I would've never told him. If only I never messed up my chances. If only I wasn't a mistake. Would I still be myself? Or would I be better?
Whisperedcries2 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 Sep 22, 2012