My Story

The day I attempted, I never once had in my mind 'I'm going to kill myself today'. I didn't plan it out, it just happened. I had been struggling a lot and had resorted to pretty serious self harm to get by, and one day in particular school was really stressful. I came home and saw that no one was in the house. Once I realized I was alone, I fell to my knees and cried and screamed. I can't remember everything clearly, but I somehow managed to crawl my way to the kitchen. I sat against the cupboards and opened the knife drawer. My mother is a chef and there are plenty on sharp knifes in the house. I remember grabbing a medium sized knife and held it against my arm, a bit below the inside of my elbow, closed my eyes and slashed downwards. I didn't open my eyes, and slid onto the floor on my back. My arm was burning like crazy but eventually it numbed and it felt warm and tingly. I kept my eyes closed, thinking that I had gone to far and tried to calm down, believing I would be gone soon. After some time I opened my eyes, the ceiling was spinning and a little hazy. I looked at my arm and saw the damage. It wasn't as bad as I had imagined, not enough to die from. I stayed on the floor for sometime, taking in all that had happened. I eventually made my way to the bathroom to clean myself up. It was deep, but not deep enough. I felt a strange relief that it didn't work, I was happy I lived. I still have the scar, six inches long, running on a slight angle from the left side of the inside of my elbow to the right side of my wrist. I kind of like it, but I'm planning on getting a tattoo to cover it. I don't scar badly, its not raised or anything, but I still get asked questions. I like that people ask me, sharing my stories makes me feel good. It raises awareness and helps me come to terms with the fact that it happened, but I've moved on and I'm stronger now. Thank you for reading :) xx
- Kenny
keanudante keanudante
18-21, F
Jan 8, 2013