Dark Timesfirst of all can i just say this isnt written through self pity,attention seeking or a cry for help,more just 2 cleans my soul.
i have been very ill 4 the last 6yrs,2 the point where on days i cant walk or clean myself and i was+ still am heavily reliant on my wife 4many things that she shouldnt have 2 do,this made me feel a burden+like my wife+family would b better off with out me,this lead 2 self loathing+feelings of worthlessness
there is no sign of me getting better,i have fibromyalgia,which may not seem like much of a problem 2 many,but im on a lot of meds+with that comes many side effects.
i have never been confident,always shy,even tho i was very popular,life of the party+athletic,im always self critical+i just feel my life is a waste+i have no real life skills or havent really acheived much with my life at all,just wish that i didnt feel like this as it really hurts
anyway,i got so low that i tried 2 kill myself,with a combination of tramadol,morphine,sleeping pills+paracetamol
obviously i wasnt sucsessful,tho i still think about it sometimes,the main reason i dont is i dont want 2 let ppl down,or embarress my family or my wife.i may seem selfish or weak,but i honestly didnt+still sometimes dont see anyway out of my situation
i dont have any friends anymore due 2 my illness,my parents have never been very talkative+i dont want 2 burden my wife or seem weak,even tho i know i am.
im not sure if my story can help any1,but if it can it may atleast have been worth it,
if u r suffering like me,please seek help,i know this is hypacritical+i know that if u want 2 kill yourself,u dont want 2 talk about it,as u dont want 2 be talked out of it
anyway,sorry for rambling,but if u are suffering and need a friend,or shoulder 2 cry on,im here,not sure if i can help,or if u want help,but the offer is there
anyway i hope u find some form of salvation+anything that helps u get through your own dark time+can ease your suffering