I Tried In Hospital

I tried to relocate with out my abuser(S) knowing. I had a attack of PTSD a flashback, and a mental break down. I was take to a mental hospital. I was severely depressed and a little in denial about having PTSD. I just wanted to be normal but nothing about my life has been therefore how could I be?

I was diagnosis with PTSD with depression and anxiety related to it. I started cutting myself because I struggle with cutting. . I wanted to leave after ( 2 weeks, really before this )they refused. So I went into personal shower on the floor and make it seem/sound like I was showering. I, in reality, sat in front of shower not inside ( the shower design makes it so the shower part is so many inches off the ground.=) I slit through my arm. The middle part not the wrist because it is less painful.

I began to bleed so much the few inches of floor separate from the shower began to fill and blood began to seep under door. I was surrounded by my own blood in this small space.

They found be lying in a gigantic puddle of my own blood. There was no much blood the nurses turned there heads and started crying. They thought I was dead. I had left the shower running on high hot water because hot water created very hot steam inducing  the blood to drain out faster. Which is why you always see people sitting in a bathtub of "HOTT" water when they try this method sometimes.

Long story short this was only few weeks back and because I had no where to go the hospital wasn't help at all with discharge plans I ended up going back to stay with my childhood abusers who are still abusive.

The hospital bought me a bus ticket back to them. I am thinking about doing it again. I didn't do it for attention. I almost died. The only reason they found me is because another " client" saw the blood. The staff at his place were so dumb I knew they weren't going to notice or find me before I was dead. This other client was being nosy about why I was in shower fro so long and decided for the second time to stop by the bathroom at end of the this small hall. He ran and told them. This guy was in there for trying to hurt himself. How dare him. It was none of his business

But any who am out and really considering doing it again. I am a loser at life at everything and I have to deal with my PTSD no job staying with mentally/emotionally abusive people who do stuff just to be bullies and mean...and a lot of other stuff. The situation am in is going to push me over the edge..


dyinginsidefawna dyinginsidefawna
26-30, F
Dec 2, 2012