Like A BirdMy arms swing free.. i feel the air around me.. my eyes are closed, my head totaly back.. the wind blows around me.. fresh and cold.. its november so its cold.. i smell snow.. it will snow soon. i feel tears over my cheek..
funny, i never cried in public.. but i dont care.. people pass by.. stare at me like at a clown in circus .. i dont care..
im standing here.. i feel the handrail of the bridge in my back.. i hear the water under me.. its not on highest.. you can hear that the water floods over stones.. if its on highest you dont hear that..i move my toes.. no floor under them.. only.. freedom..
i hear cars.. its late, very few cars around here..
a car passes by.. after the noise follows silence.. i love silence.. i hope in the end there is silence too.. i hear steps.. coming closer.. getting slower.. speed up fast.. and fade out over distance.. people dont care.. i dont care..
Slow i open my eyes.. its dark.. i see my toes.. im standing here in hotpants and shirt.. its winter.. must look funny.. in my left hand my phone.. why i hold it? i smile.. what silly thoughts at the end.. the handrail cold presses in my back.. as if it wanted me to move away from it.. towards the freedom.. my body's on adrenalin.. i close my eyes again.. shift my weight forward.. i feel how the rail looses contact to me.. what lasts is that little freezing feeling where it touched.. i feel how my body drags forward .. and let go..
just to feel an arm wrapped around me.. holding me back.. i try to kick myself free.. but that arm is too strong..pulls me back over the rail.. i try to scratch that arm.. just to earn another arm pressing me down on the ground hard.. after some time i give up.. feel something on my shoulder.. a jacket?.. i get lead to a car.. sat into it.. im too weak to fight anymore.. burst in tears.. the car drives fast.. somehow all other cars stop.. i notice the house of my parents.. i get pulled out of the back seat.. pushed towards the door of my parents.. my dad opens.. "It wont happen again officer" he says.. i turn around.. see a police car.. move through our door.. dad closes the door.. waits till the police man is gone.. yells at me what is wrong with me.. sends me to my room and says i cant leave for 3 weeks.. and goes watch tv