Why Not??

I started feeling depressed when I stared high school. I don't know why, but anyways, towards the end of my sophomore year I was sent to the hospital for suicidal ideation and then two more times for suicide attempts. the first one was more of a cry for help I overdosed on pain killers. The second one was serious. I purposefully crashed my car. luckily i wasn't injured but i was sent to residential treatment for nine months. I got discharged  about three months ago. I was actually happy there, it was weird. I got to know all of the counselors, and made a lot of friends there too. I sometimes wish I could go back. I visited there tonight to see one of the counselors there, she was my primary. I miss her so much. I learned a lot while I was there. but i guess not enough because i have been having a lot of those feelings again. I think it is because I am at home. it is like a hell hole here. My family is constantly negative and emotionally abusive. I thought that they changed but i guess it was just an act. I started out on Prozac, but it just seemed to make things worse so i was switched to zoloft, resperdal, gabipentin, welbutrin, saraquil, trazadone, and i had hydroxyzine as a PRN. now i am only on gabapentin and welbutrin. i still have trazadone and hydroxazine as prn's if i need them. I have been contemplating a lot lately and have been weighing my options. I want to end it all but wouldn't that mean that they win, in a sick and twisted way?
Unknown Unknown
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 1, 2007

It's really hard when you spend so much time with like-minded people. You can relate to them, and it feels like they're the only ones who understand you. It's important to realise that although they were a great comfort to you, in order for you to get better you need to interact with happy people who have a handle on life, otherwise you will constantly be dwelling on your problems with people who are just as unhappy as you are. Believe me, you won't recover fully unless you can walk away from that nine month stay and chalk it up to experience. I know how you feel, I've been there myself. :)

I agree, that's another thing that has helped me. The idea that they would win. I can relate to how you feel with your family being negative and emotionally abusive. I moved back home and thought everything had changed since I was an adult. Things were good, at first. Then things went back to "normal". Good luck to you. Hang in there.