A Freakish Mistake


I wrote this in an email to a friend a while ago...it kind of explains it...


"I have had a really hard time the past couple of years that I have been in college. Before college (and my first boyfriend at 17), I was a really strong, pure Christian girl. I was like, perfect. Then I dated this guy, Jeffrey, and after a year, we slept together. I had stopped going to church, reading my bible, and basically just turned my back on God. Then when I came to college I got way worse. I got drunk a lot (I can't drink alcohol moderately), and slept with a lot of guys. The first time Tommy and I were ever together we were both drunk... Anyway, I had just turned into this terrible person, and I hated myself. All the standards and values I used to have I had just thrown out the window, to the point of being with a jobless, smoking, lying person who just manipulated me all the time but yet somehow made me feel guilty in the process. The reason that I moved home is really sad...basically, one night, after getting really wasted and waking up the next day, I was so fed up with myself, and my lack of self control, and sad that I had quit school, and just felt like a loser, and Tommy had some antidepressants, and I tried to OD on them ( I was still drunk that morning...I hadn't been plotting suicide...I was just impulsive and dumb). It was like 40 pills. He called the EMT, and by God's grace, I ended up living. I am so thankful...I never wanted to die. I just felt like i had lost everything. I felt so used up, so empty, and Tommy, well, he would "try" to tell me to stop drinking, or stop taking pills, or whatever, but he wasn't the strong godly man that i needed. He just did all that with me (minus the pills). So anyway, my parents came up to CS, were devastated, and very frustrated with my work situation and situation with Tommy. They didn't want me to be in that environment anymore so they brought me home."


 

Anyway, I am doing better now. My life is so much different. I am so thankful that I am still alive, so very thankful.

stillbreathing stillbreathing
18-21, F
1 Response Jun 14, 2007

i'm so glad you're alive too!! i'm glad you're hopeful again. it gives other people hope to hear about people who have been through really bad times, and survived to be happy again.