When I Was Pretty Young.......

When i was pretty young....around 14....it was my 15 birthday and it was me and a couple of friends....we were drinking and smokiing pot...once the celebration was over........i went home with some left over pot and alcohol...

haha......i had all of it.....and when i could feel sensations and all i thought ok this is it and prayed for gods mercy....

but i woke up the next day on the floor....and i thought, "Ok, this is not heavan!"

 

Recently...a couple of months ago....i was having trouble with the family. .. it was about finances and a divorce.....and you know....

so i made friends with a guy whom i was sure of had the resources to get me some guns.

I told him i wanted a gun because there were some guys who would harrass me and my brother wanted to threaten them with a gun...

he agreed and a week later he delivered it to my house.

It was around midnight...i was 16..well i still am....and i had hid the gun under the bed.....no one noticed all day.....i was upset and feeling down and irritable...

so around 3 am i went outside holding the gun in my hand and sat down on the porch....i placed the gun besides me and lit a smoke.....looked at the stars and cried as i thought of what was to happen next.

The cigarette finished....

I closed my eyes....and prayed to God for frogiveness........

It took me 5 minutes to pull the trigger......

It took me a flash to realize i was alive........

My friend knew me all too well.......

Later i asked him about the bullets and he said, "You asked for a gun...not a loaded one."

 

and well then after that i cut myself just to escape from pain....you know the sort of thing where the pain grows so big you feel nothing at all.....but not with the intentions of suicide...

Unmasked Unmasked
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 4, 2007

thats an interesting story. it seems it should be in a movie or tv show. ive almost gone threw with it, and alot of times i sat in my car after having some 2 year olf prescription pills of my moms thinking i would die, but i havent yet. feel better. im sorry you want to die