Just Want to Be Done

I've been going through bouts of depression on and off since I was about twelve or thirteen. I never tried to kill myself because I was always afraid of what it might do to my mother. Now I'm nineteen and in college and I'm so overwhelmingly tired. I don't care about anything. Last night at temperatures below freezing I went outside with only a t shirt and jeans on. My plan was to curl up somewhere fall asleep and let myself die from hypothermia. I tried to do it and I lasted about an hour but everytime I was about to drift off I would see my mother's face or hear her voice and I would jolt back awake. Finally I gave up went back to my room. I wish I hadn't.

101N 101N
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 25, 2009

ok very weird attempt. never heard anyone doin something so stupid like that. couldnt you have picked a better plan? it takes ages and ages to die of hypothermia especially when its not way below freezing like in alaska sorry but i find this very funny :-D

Don't forget that you only have one life to live. Even though we have hurtful memories from the past or unfavorable situations in the present, the future is always up to you to make it however you want it to be. Don't give up hope just yet. Think of the positive things in your life and concentrate on those more than the negative. Its hard. Yes.....it is very hard, but think of the thing or person that wants you here the most (your mom) and don't let go. Be strong for her and for you. Do something to get your mind off of negative things. Take up a forgotten hobbie, go out, sing, dance...whatever. Try to make ur life more enjoyable and focus on the good things. ****, i sound like a therapist. But i can relate to ur story...and really the best advice i can truly give you is just to hold on. Give it time to heal. And don't loose hope.