The woman who gave birth to me
Never once enjoyed my company

I never in my life raised my voice to her
She shouted more than enough for both of us

I never answered her back. At first through
Fear, then contempt, then duty.

I learned to listen and to detatch myself from
The hearing and to observe

I learned to remove myself from her anger
And to discount my feelings completely

Until I watched both of us from a far distance
Until all feelings were less than crumbs

And only when she died did I realise
That I had tried too hard for her all my life

That her inability to do anything but shame
Me was not my fault and that her anger

Was not my responsibility, not my fault
Nor the fact that she could not love me.
dispossessed dispossessed
51-55, F
3 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Definitely not your fault. I am happy you see that but very much sorry you endured that horrific feeling. I felt it from my dad. Unconditional love is the most important part of parenting.... hopefully your story can inspire some to snap out of it or get help or just kids to relate to it. I think you are a very wonderful soul.... kind and sincere person you are☺ πŸ’“

Thank you I do not feel like that about me . . .I will try to appreciate properly what you say . . .. I would like to be able to live up to your idea of me :)

And I to be as kind as how you respond to others here πŸ’–πŸŽπŸ†πŸš€πŸ’

Think of this. How lucky you were to be bright enough, aware enough to know that it was not you. Not much consolation possibly, yet just the thought of someone never knowing that it was not their doing.

I put it here to hope others might see that they are in a similar case :)

my mother is the same

and as you get older and remember the things that were done and said you realise how wrong they were and you would never be like that

Definitely.... not to let it pass down the line. I will admit here.... yes at times in frustration I am not always the class act. ....but to forgive yourself and free yourself from it as best as possible 😊