Very Defective.....

Now, don't get me wrong. I know I have good points. People say I am being too hard on myself but if I can say I have good points then that isn't harsh surely? I know I am sensitive, thoughtful, sweet, kind,and fairly resilliant. However, my bad points overpower these and the past qualities dont' actually work in the real world. Nice guys always finish last as they say.
I do believe I have many bad points. I am shy, hate confrontation, get nervous easily, can be very passive, unforgiving, stubborn and freak like. I am disgusted by the fact that I have got myself into this state and that I am now 27 but single, no friends, no social life and still living at home as I can't afford to move out. How can I expect anyone to respect me?
I wish everyday that I could be various co-workers. Yes, I KNOW they all have problems but to me they all look amazing, earn more then me, have womanly curvy figures, have friends, partners or husbands and kids and live in their own places. I know you can't judge others by material worth and assume they have the perfect life but it does hurt looking at them everyday. I can't help but feel inferior to them and it makes me feel even more ashamed of myself.
I just want to be normal. I wonder why that is so hard? These things seem to come easily to other people. It would just be nice to wake up one day and not feel ashamed of the person I am and the loser I must come across as in person. I mean, I work in daycare and all the parents like me but they kind of have to. It's convenient for them and to be honest, I am sure I come across as a loser as most of them assume straight off that I live at home and am single. I feel like I have it stamped across my forehead at times-I AM A LOSER and it's painful.
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26-30
2 Responses May 18, 2012

Jenni, I think you should carve out some time to laugh....it's a great release....watch funny movies, see a comic, try to be near funny people...get some of that emotion out through humor....you're doing so well Jenni...you really are, you just don't know how to transition from the perceived loser image to the real Jenni. The happy confident "worthy of love and respect" Jenny...but......you are getting there!!! xx

Hmmmmmm....oh....I mean REAL laughter....not laughing because you feel like you have to be upbeat and pleasant..I mean laugh at what YOU want to laugh at...so sorry....that you feel like you have to be :ON: all of the time....that's hard.

This is a difficult mindset to leave behind. I can't give any advice that might be helpful, I can only say, I hope you find a way to stop thinking of yourself as a loser, because until you do, you WILL project that image to others. Confidence and feeling good about yourself is very attractive to people. I have friend who is not really attractive physically, but is a person who has others flocking around her, just to be near her. She has a confident air about her. That seems to be her best feature. Confidence. Coupled with a great sense of humour and an ability to laugh at herself, she can do no wrong. People love her.