Truly Madly Deeply

 yeah

 truly madly deeply was the title of our song as she said, I been thinking before I post my story, I didn’t have any story in my life that worth to be talking about, but when it comes to something that you really believe in all your heart and body and soul and you have felt that truth, but then you lose the faith of it,

 

I met my wife on the internet, some of you will be like (oh yeah an internet relationship)  but let me say that we are human we have feelings we have thoughts we feel whatever it is , specially in love , I believed in love when I met her , I never loved someone before like her , wanted spend my life with her , wanted have my kids from her , I loved her without any conditions , love is love , you don’t have to be loved a lot of women to be "good lover" I say what's in my heart , and when it comes to love I love crazy cause I know that I will love only one woman

 

 

I am Jordanian and she's Canadian , I thought whatever a culture is , that all cultures would be the same under love , because love is in everyone of us all human , so yeah we met on the internet , we loved each other , even if you don’t be actually with the person your talking to  we loved each other , I am thinking is it my fault that I am too honest with people  , why is it even love can be fake ?  I really loved her , is when I feel dead when I not talking to her for few days , that I would drop school if we are apart , that I would never sleep or eat , just drinking coffee , then throw up feeling I am going to die

 

She wanted go for a trip to NY with a guy from UK, that was in the first of our relationship , I said ok , that would show me if she love me or not , so I be sure of her feelings , she went to the trip , she text me like everyday , once she arrive to NY , she kept talking to me the whole day in her first day in NY , then she told me I love you , I should of came to Jordan , then she drove to Canada non stop , first two days she arrive , she told me she not feeling well , so she wouldn’t speak to me much , how much I realized she love , that she would do anything for me , that’s when I realize her love to me is true

 

 

After few months we decided to get married , and be together , because this is meant to be , we need be together cause we couldn’t handle everything ,  she saw the sadness in my eyes , how much I love her , and how much I need to be with her , I saw the sadness in her eyes , how much she want to be with me ,  she booked her ticket and

Just the day before she came, she told me what shocked me , she said she been in a relationship she didn’t want to be since 9 years ,  I said it ok what between us is bigger than this , we are going to be a couple forever and love each other and forget the past  ( is it my fault that I should of stopped believing in her in that point and ended everything ? no , why I would waste a true love that I believe in since day one , my  perfect dreams about love , that love is sacrifice that love is not hate , that love dies with you)

 

 

She came to Jordan , she kept telling me , those two weeks , were the best two weeks in her life , she never told anyone where she's going  she abandon her life her friends her family just to be with me , because she believed in my love , she believed in me she would do anything to me , she love crazy like me she love truly this is what I felt in her , I am not here to blame her or blame myself , I am describing what's in my hearts , and I know and everyone of you knows that feelings is not words , feelings is not quotes , feelings sometimes doesn’t show your acts , the feelings are engraved in your heart no one would feel them but you ,  I never stopped believing in love I took her for granted , for a better tomorrow , for a new meaning of life , we got married , I saw the truth in her eyes , I believed in her , and I thought she feels me , I felt that our hearts melted , that my heart is in her chest and her heart pumping in my chest

 

 

I believe love can be true just for short time, you feel it, and then you stop believing in it

 

She back to Canada telling me how much she loves me and she said "I'll wait for you" on the tune of Joe Nichols song   I'll wait for you, the only happiest minute is when I saw her in the airport, the first minute our eyes met, that the two weeks just started, only that moment, I felt I the happiest person in life, she really loves me? as I said sometimes even you act a certain way, it doesn’t mean your showing your feelings in them, does she love me but life is so unfair and harsh stopping us from being together, I wish I just live with her on island, just two of us, I know I don’t need anyone but her, I swear this all I want , who to blame ? Myself? Her? Life? God?

 

 

I been thinking, is she scared that I love her in that way? I mean do I love her more than I should? Is it my fault that I believe in love for real?

 

Some of you might say "oh yeah another foreigner marrying a woman on chat just for the visa " I start hate something called visa, am a nurse I can get to anywhere!!!! None of anyone helps

 

 

Yes my fault I believed in love, because first thing she did, is turn her cell phone off, and never speak to me anymore? What? What happened?  The next night she fly home , when I put the cover on myself , I felt her under my arm holding me and sleeping , but she wasn’t there , yeah she never answered me ? Why? Just before 24 hours we were in each others arms what happened? Did anything wrong happen to her? I called the Canadian police, to check on her house, the officer called me in 15 minutes telling me this

"She stated that she doesn’t want any contact with you, and marrying you was biggest fault of her life"    can anyone of you believe? I couldn’t believe actually until she make me speak to her and telling me that her life in Canada with her daughter and her boyfriend, so flying half of the world was a an adventure? Was a mistake? Marrying me was mistake?  A mistake maybe that she would speak to me knowing that she in a relation, a mistake she tell me she loves me, but all of this is mistake? I make her wedding, it was a mistake?  I give her my heart? A mistake?

 

 

I lost my faith in everything in this life she wanted divorce , I said ok with the biggest broken heart in life , I told her , don’t be sad , I will do anything for you , because I love you , even if you stopped loving me  , she told me that I marrying her for visa , how to explain to her ? How to tell her, can anyone in this whole world would feel me?

 

After two weeks , she contact me , she don’t want divorce she told me she loves me she told me people fed her with wrong thoughts she told it was hard for her to be in my arms and the next day she have to back to everything and everyone , to face the blame from all of her community , from all her family to back to the world she abandon it for me , her heart is aching for me and my heart is aching , we back to each other , she moved started the job in another place she told me she's sorry , I told her I am sorry for cannot being with you to face everyone and everything that you fought  alone for our love , yeah , I know she didn’t mean to leave me , how and we have a true love , yes true love , all those special moments , the pictures together ,  we play like kids in the carnivals toys  I mount with her our village mountain at middle of night , and show here where I been living all years , and how I imagine her all her life long until we met ,

 

 

My problem that I am sweet talker, was I too honest with her, was I stupid because I believed in love? Why you answer my nice words with accusing of being not true? Why why why ………..

 

Can the best thing in life, love and all special moments and all nice words fade with no reason, just throw in the air 

 

 

We Arab boys and Arab girls both jealous on each other so we both  psych fit each other ,  I never try be jealous with her  , I know in her culture jealousy = no trust = you don’t respect me = you don’t love me

Anyways, can anyone tell me that you calling you boyfriend/girlfriend after heshe going out is mistake? Is it meaning jealousy? Why? I told her never push me away, I just wanted hear from her, I am not jealous for god sakes, just want to hear your voice

 

 

Is this love? Should I stop believing in love?  On the tune of our song

 

I'll be your dream

I'll be your wish

I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope

I'll be your love

Be everything that you need.

I love you more with every breath

Truly madly deeply do..

I will be strong I will be faithful

'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.

A reason for living.

A deeper meaning.

 

 

So yeah she telling me she cant put up with my "jealousy " nor her new rough life , I never stopped support her , I told her I will do anything to her just name it , in 6 months I be with you , I be a nurse finish my school , but no , she back the same one same tune of when she first back home , that she would mention our nights and me rubbing her feet with no heart mention those special moment she mention them like is a rock is talking , no feelings no heart , no soul no nothing , she told me again she want end this , she want focus on herself and her daughter , should I still believe in heart , and I felt my heart kicked a hundred times ?

 

 

Yeah she stopped talking to me since a week , and she decide tell me again she want divorce yesterday on the valentines day  that was her gift to me and I the one send her greeting and gift in FedEx for the valentines, she gave me many presents , I am not saying she's bad ,   she's my love , my sad love , I love her , that when your lover say something sad to you like I want divorce you  , I don’t think in myself , I think why would she do this , is my fault I not be with her , not supporting her , would never imagine how life is hard for her being alone there with no one beside her

 

 

 

I wish I died in her arms first minute we met , that’s the only minute I count in my life , I feel sad she saying this , not sad about myself , I know that she's alone and I cannot be with her , she left me her t-shirt , I never washed it , I smell it , I smell her , my body chills I go crazy I really loved her , and I wish she know how much I love her

 

 

Please tell me people, is there love left on world? I lost my faith in everything forever

Am I wrong in all of this, am I wrong that I believed in love and I believed in a person

 

 

My heart is breaking not because of what she's saying to me, I am sad because I know she doesn’t mean all of this again; we both know that we love each other crazy

 

Someone help me please, I wish I just die

 

My lover became the layla in this song

 

 

My entreaties died in the caverns of your eyes.

And my flags surrendered to the winds of despair

My days escaped to find your door closed

And what transpired with the object of my cries?

 

Two years and she didn't hear the melody of my strings

I freed the love in my heart and squeezed it...Then I drank grief

And I became torn.  I had no prestige or luxury to tempt you with

So then leave me with my grief

If you squeeze the years of my life completely

 

 The blood from my wounds would flow

If I had riches, you would not have refused my love

But I am in a state of difficulty, a state of poverty, a state of weakness.

I suffered... I suffered

But I do not reveal my sorrow, and you did not know a thing about my suffering.

I walk and smile, oh Layla, because I'm stubborn.

 So I hide from the people, my approaching death.

For if the knew what is the matter, they would try to console me.

And I knew that they could not

Deprivation rests upon my brow and sucks my blood.

And only he can allow me to smile.

You are forgiven for aborting my hopes.

The fault is not yours; it was my foolishness.

I wasted my procession in the desert.

And I came, looking for myself in your eyes.

And I came, looking for happiness in your embrace.

Like a child, I formed my innocent dreams.

And you planted your palms and uprooted my veins.

And you are planted without the kindness of my pleasures.

And she emigrated...

My lost cities emigrated away from me

And my sails never left her.

I was exiled and the strangers settled in my country

And they destroyed all my beloved things.

Your eyes betrayed you.

With forgery and lying

Your confusion deceived you.

My lady.

I came as a butterfly to place within your hands, the colors of my wings.

Then injustice burned my wings.

I screamed while the sword was implanted in my chest.

And the betrayal destroyed my huge hopes.

And you also, I perished on your hands.

I perished from your hands.

Because you preferred my murder and loved the sound of my groans.

And so I deleted your precious name from my languages.

Therefore, they will be told without Layla... Layla

Therefore they will be told without Layla, my stories.

 

 

I lost my faith, there's no love in this world, I lost my faith in the only true thing in this world everything can be fade for no reason, for nothing all moments all words, all love words, all letters, all e-mails, everything and anything is nice

 

 

When I lost my faith in love, I lost the past I lost the future, because you share all your life with your lover, when she talk about little William and brody we going to have and be one family, all this die with me, one grave I bury all love all sweet thing in life I am dead human walking between living, am in my grave and living my life same time

 

Its love I don’t know if anyone could feel it that way I really loved her, I love her, my sad love

 

Truly madly deeply

 

 

sleeplessINmiddleast sleeplessINmiddleast
22-25, M
4 Responses Feb 15, 2009

Hey Mr. Sad<br />
Love is an animal if you lick her, it will kick you. But if you kick her it will lick you. So it is very simple & straight formula to deal with the love

You are real, you know what love is and you know exactly how to love and how you want to be loved. Your love is deep, purposeful and no limits. Do not let her keep you from giving love and being loved truly madly deeply. Love is real.

I want to continue if I may. Sleepless, you love her, that is no doubt. You are going to have to get strong though and ask yourself should you allow yourself to stay with someone who is not living a normal married life with you- which you deserve. You can't enable her to continue this unstable behavior- at least not with you. You can't control what she does in Canada, but you can disconnect yourself from this very unstable situation she is causing. Love is not supposed to hurt like this and this situation is far from the norm. You have to give her an altimatum- you are lowering your own self-worth by allowing her to hold on to you and take you on this unstable emotional rollercoaster she is on. Be strong- be affirmative and tell her she decides to honor this marriage the right way and allow you to make a life for you, her, and the child or you end the marriage. You also might want to consider moving to Canada so that it will make it easier for her to share custody with the father. You and her could still have a life together, while helping to raise the child with the father. That way the little girl or boy will have two loving fathers to help raise him or her, and you and her could also have your own. Help her to see this very positive alternative- help her to see that there is a solution and that she dosen't have to live in torture like she is doing now. If she dosen't agree to such a positive solution, then unfortunately, you have your answer. She dosen't truly love you and you have to release yourself from this situation that she has created. Love yourself more than you love her. You have to do it. We, as humans, are not meant to be here to allow another human take life away from us. That's not why God created us. Why destroy yourself over someone who may prove to not really love you in the first place? It makes no sense and it's not something you are supposed to do. Get strong and follow through on this ok. You have to get strong and do this. I wish you all the best ok. I will try and check back and respond to whatever you post if you like. I will try and keep up with what's going on.

Wow- I know that no words could heal the hurt you feel and no one can really understand how you feel. I don't really know what to say, other than this woman sounds like she is confused and a bit unstable- and I don't mean that in a mean way. She loves you, but to me it sounds like she is not capable of following through on what her heart really feels. She is afraid of letting go of her old life to be in a new life with you. It also may be that she is torn because she dosen't want to leave her child's father- and the child grows up without him. That can be a very tortuous situation for a woman to be in- how do I know? I have struggled with the very same hard decision and it nearly drove me mad. I still struggle with it. It is a hard situation for a woman- to sacrifice her own happiness for someone else- a child or to take away from that child. No woman wants to hurt her child and it is a veryyyyyy hard position of decision to have to be in. It is pure torture. I feel that this is the biggest reason for her flip flopping attitude with you. I am blown away that she married you. Not that you are not worth marrying but that was a big decision. It seems like to me she struggles with trying to please everyone but herself. She married you, yes it made her happy, but she did it more to make you happy because she didn't want to hurt you. She then goes back to Canada and once there finds herself in the same position of trying to please the people there. This woman, if she continues this way, is going to wind up in a mental institution because she is trying to please too many people. She has to stop and make a solid decision and stand by that decision and just accept that in life, we may have to hurt some people. She hates to hurt people, but she has allowed her avoidance in trying not to go way too far and ironically enough led to hurting people anyway. Her extreme attempts at not wanting to hurt people, led to just that..hurting people. My gosh. She seems very emotionally out of control and I wish she had someone she could talk to and trust who could really help her see that she needs to stop, find a point of reference, and make solid decisions. She is living in torture this way, which is also leading you to live in torture because of the love you have for her.