Depressed But I Keep It Inside

I guess it started about 8 years ago. My dad threw out 3 discs in his back and hasn't been able to get a job since then. He has social security now so i guess he still supports the family in some ways... My mom had to get a job for like 6 years in a factory after my dad hurt his back. Our family was living ok off of what she made and my dad's social security. My mom got fired from her job 2 years ago and was on unemployment until about a month ago when she lost it. My family is about to go into debt and we might lose the house and more. My grandmother(on my father's side) is dying of stage four cancer and we have to take care of her constantly. My older brother smokes pot all the time and now so is one of my younger brothers, but that doesn't really affect me...All this stress is causing my parents to fight more and more, and now they want to get a divorce. All i can do is sit by and ignore the yelling with my 2 younger brothers. Every day i wake up and go to school and hang out with my friends and try to have fun but i find my thoughts going back to all the **** at home, it seems like nothing good is happening in my life, i mean even the girl i like is actually interested in a different guy, like wtf! Both of my parents buy useless things that nobody other then them thinks is interesting, but my mom is the worst of them both. I sit at the house all day because i don't live close to any friends, and i can't drive. It feels like i just sit here dying on the inside, because i really don't have anyone to talk to about my problems. I'm 17 soon and have no apparent direction in life. I really try to act positive on the outside, because i don't want others to know about all my family's problems, and i haven't cried since i was like 9 years old. Basically, everything is going to ****, and it's not going to get any better. I don't know if i should feel bad for ranting about all this or not, i just needed to get it out some how...
JackJ33 JackJ33
18-21, M
Dec 11, 2012