Started Two Years Ago

i started cutting about two years ago, i'm 26.  i feel like that's a little late to start the self mutilation but whatever. my current boyfriend who i live w/ now & have been w/ for 8 months caught me once. he told me if i ever did again he'd do it to himself. well, i did it again & got caught/told on myself bc i felt guilty. he cut his arm pretty good. now he has a scar. i haven't cut since; it's been 4 months-ish...but the urge still takes me. i find myself trying to think of creative ways & places i could do it so he won't see. i've thought about burning my hand while cooking. he'd never know the difference. but i would. it would feel so amazing. it would hurt but then i'd feel better & then i would doctor it & watch it heal. god, i'm disgusting sometimes. if i could just stop thinking about it...
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2 Responses Jun 28, 2007

you are not disgusting...and you are not alone..if you ever need to talk..I am here..I love to listen ....good luck .

I think about the same things everyday. Dont feel alone