Damn

I was doing so well.  I hadn't cut in months.  A week ago I was just sitting at work & all of sudden I had the most demanding urge to cut. Painfully demanding. I don't know what triggered it; I just felt hugely sad all of a sudden. I felt like the bottom of my world had dropped out for no reason whatsoever. I held out for about an hour but then I found some sharp scissors & sliced.  It wasn't deep enough for me but it drew blood & burned like hell so I managed w/ that one cut (on my leg).

Then a couple of days later my boyfriend & I got into an argument while I was at work. Now I don't recall what it was about...but I used the same scissors & cut my inner forearm. Two days ago I did it again.

It's not his fault. He doesn't want me to do it. I'm just weak & have no self control.  I get all self-pity-ish when we argue and I want to beat myself up for allowing the argument. I need to start exercising again. That helps. I can inflict pain upon myself but it's a good pain...but it is that really any healthier? Exercising for the pain & not the health benefits? Good grief.

I'm posting this bc it helps to talk about it. Please, no one bash on my boyfriend. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect. But we love each other; we're both just hot headed & stubborn. We rarely fight & we fought those two times during a time when I was feeling particularly low...my cutting is my own fault
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Jul 31, 2007

Naw, what you need sweetie, is something else to do instead of cutting. Whenever I get sad, bored lonely, angry (well, I never ever get angry..hahaha), I'd just listen to some music and play some computer games. It makes me relaxed :D I hope you'll manage to cease cutting yourself... Until then, you MUST desinfect your appareil of the act of cutting; I don't want you to get nasty infections and permanent scars! Good luck! HUGS!