I Succeed In 90% Of Cases

When I was a teenager I decided that it's good to be nice to people. I've made it my priority in relationships and communications. I have found out that there can be only two problems on your path to being nice to everyone. First, you own bad behaviour (not provoked by other people but by your own opinons, desires, etc.), second, provocation of other people. In a few years after making the decision to be nice to everyone I have overcome the first problem - I will never start a quarrel even if I am irritated, I'll try to calm down and embark on a discussion with cool mind. But when other people provoke me, it really starts to be hard to be nice, and there comes another problem - anger issues (I am also a member of "I have anger issues" group). For a few years I have been trying to be fully aware of emotions inside me and what's more I have mastered the art of persuasion (I persuade myself that this or that person must be very unhappy in his or her life if acts like this, I should me wiser and not react negatively). I have almost achieved perfection, now I can chill out almost everytime I feel angry but still there are some cases when I just can't overcome anger towards annoying people (shops, public transport). What do you do to get over anger towards foreigners that you don't care about?
EtoLisenok EtoLisenok
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 23, 2013

I did that too, being nice to people, even to the ones that didn't respect me. I used to supress my emotions too, especially anger and hurt. Now I just take some time out, be with myself, feel them completely rather than supressing them. Feeling the emotions makes me calmer lot sooner or else I'd keep seething inside.

I posted this story almost a year ago, and I've completely changed my views on this issue =) I never considered feeling unconditional love. At that it is very different from being nice to everyone. Being nice to everyone is ego-need. I you want to be nice to them only they treat you nicely in return, or to feel proud of yourself. And unconditional love is understanding devoid of egoistic desires. When I have to deal with a difficult person or situation, I just ask myself "What would God do?" It's usually understanding and forgiveness. And if you prefer confirmation, I say in my thoughts to this person "I know you just want to be happy, as all other people".

My mother said to me one day this is position of weakness to let it be.
But I say that forgiving and turning the other cheek is exactly position of inner strength. It is easy to express your first reactions, and it is much harder to contemplate and show love.

I agree with you. I never thought of it that way, your words offered me an insight and I'll contemplate on this more. And yes, being nice to people does seem like an ego need. Whereas being forgiving or accepting them as they are does require a lot of contemplation and is a lot harder. I used to like the idea of unconditional love but after being betrayed, I was weary of believing again and thought of it as an illusion. But I like the way you seem to question, "What would God do?" I'd like to try that when I face a difficult situation coz I think it gives us a different perspective and we can be more forgiving and understanding.

I am glad that you like the idea =) And I think a person like you will have enough courage to face all illusions and unpleasant feelings and then be freed. I am reading a book about love addiction now, there is a good phrase that it is illusion that we can be protected all the time, life hurts anyway, but if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, if we dont run from our negative experience, when we face it, then we gain ability to see unpleasant feelings not as part of us but as something temporary, coming and gowing away, and finally precious.

That's quite insightful. :) Which book is that, may I ask?

The book is "Is It Love or Is It Addiction: The Book That Changed the Way We Think About Romance and Intimacy" by M.A.L.P., C.A.S., Brenda Schaeffer D.Min.
I'd also advice "Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown =) But in fact you should listen to intuition, choosing books.
I am reading now books by Kim Michaels, but they are specific and may need kinda open heart and mind to perceive them, it is said Jesus himself is talking through Kim. Not all people are ready to perceive channeling phenomenon.

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**** NICE PEOPLE.