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I'm a Fixer.

Yes, I've been told - "You're a fixer".  Hmm..  what does one say to that?  Is it good?  Is it bad?   I suppose it depends on the circumstances and the person or situation that needs 'fixin'. 

Sometimes I think its best to just sit back, listen, give hugs, but let that person feel their pain, their anxiety and uncertainity.  Sometimes the pain is necessary for growth and development.

I'm trying to discern when to intervene.  But I am a nurse with a Florence Nightingale, PolyAnna Complex.  I will love you.  I will nuture you...  and I will try to comfort you and make it all better....    You can't stop me, so don't even try.

DrewBerry DrewBerry 46-50, F 8 Responses Mar 22, 2009

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Ronsgirl - I don't know how to begin to respond to your story other than to say, how sorry I am for your experience here. It's such a sad situation and I know well the feeling of trying to live that pain in order to help ease the burdon - but like you said, only they can find the healing in situations such as addiction.<BR><BR>You said something very wise that I grasped onto:<BR>"I just try to love people and be a friend. "<BR>>>>> that's all we can do

Myo - I think we are all ultimately selfish. I said that in response to BBs comment about 'being a good person'. I don't feel so good sometimes for fear of my own issues... that's all. I could write a book of examples, but that's for another thread.<BR><BR>Best Sistah!

((((((((((( BIGGEST BESTEST HUG EVER FOR MAX )))))))))

Drew I love you even though I don't know you..It's better to Love then not to Love. I am That kind of person to I wan't to fix people and make it all better.<br />
but you can't. I had a girl friend . she had a terrible car acident and it left her disfigured in her face and body. She was not the same after that. She drank real bad and became a acoholic and she did hard drugs. I mee her in school and we became friends. Idid not know she had problems like this. one day herboyriend called me and asked if I could come over and calm her down she was drunk and giing to kil her self. So I went over and I talked her out of it and got her to seek help. She was ok for awhile she wanted to drive again, so her boy friend said should I give her the keys. I said well it might be good for her . That is something that i will regret for ever and have qilt over. One morning in fact the day before My birthday. early one morning she was drinking all that night and he had went and got her some cocain. She and he had a fight over her mother comming she got in the car and wen't to his work to fight some more and was leaving his work and made a U<br />
turn in the road to go back and fight with him she hit a guard rail at a high speed and ended in trees and died on the spot. There were so many times Iwas with her in the hospital with her when she over did the acohol.<br />
when she wanted to kill her self, many a times she would call me to talk and help her. I guess I thought<br />
I could fix her, help her. i know the reson because my mother was a drug adtic , I all ways said if I was older Maybe I could of got her to stop, so i guess i thought by helping my friend i was helping my Mom. I found out that truely no one could help either one of them BUT THEM. I was 14 when my mother died of cancer and she helped my because before she died i dabbeld a little in drugs nothing hard, when my mother died i swore I never would do drugs again, My father was a acoholic and I swore I never would drink either and I have not.<br />
It cost me so much. So I just try to love people and be a friend. Life is so short to waist it on anger,hate meanness, or hurting anyone. I try to laugh everyday.<br />
I try to be happy and try to smile at stangers because you never know what there going though. I try to say hello to people . greet people. Just try to be nice to people. ANY HOO! I guess I'm a people fixer too because<br />
I love people and don't like it when people are sad. But you know whAT they say there is a season for everthing.<br />
i guess theres a season to be sad too. Have a blessed life

Why do you feel selfish sometimes?

Oh yes retiredfather - i stay clear the misery lovers in my life... mom was enough.<br />
<br />
but I do tend to try to take on others pain... i want to make it all better, but sometimes it's not the right thing to do... <br />
<br />
i find this a lot in parenting.. gotta let my little one fall down sometimes..<br />
<br />
ty RF

I can tell you from experience - you cannot fix everyones problems.<br />
Sometimes the person themselves is the problem and gets more attention from having issues than not.<br />
<br />
Keep trying. It has it's rewards.

Not always BB, but thank you nonetheless. <br />
All any of us can do is strive to be our best..... <br />
Sometime I feel so selfish though.