I Want To Speak From The Heart.

When you speak from the heart you open yourself up to such pain.  Yet, if you try to avoid the pain what does your life/you become but a shell.  Don't intentionally want to hurt another person just as I don't want them hurting me.  But can't help but daydreaming at what has been lost along the way--experiences, friendships, joy, love, etc.  Recently involved with another woman that I  could have spent the rest of my life with.  Was in a loveless/sexless marraige.  When I saw what my leaving would do to my children and wife I found myself lacking the courage to deliberately hurt them, yet, I knew that in so doing my "true love" would be disappointed in me and lost to me.  Can't help but ask myself why does "man have to fall in love?"   Yet from this I know has come better communication with my wife and awakend both our sex drives.  But still I know I will love this other woman always and forever.  Sometimes just talking about her helps the pain.

SaulofTarsus SaulofTarsus
56-60, M
3 Responses Apr 26, 2010

ty 4 such honesty it must have been painful to share that . hugggs

Thank you, but this other woman offered so much. She is very difficult to remove from my mind. After pain and disappointment that is all that remains of her to me--what she is in my mind. My wife tries so much harder now that she knows how important sexual relations are to me, but I still find it difficult to remove the woman from my mind. Not sure I really want to. If it were only my wife and I there would be no obstacle high enough to keep me from trying to rekindle the blossoming romance. Guess I am weak but I have remained steadfast to my wife as I know in reality there would be great pain to my family. Yes, please keep me in your prayers.

Thankyou for your honesty. It is not easy living in a difficult marriage. Think of the prophet Hosea whose wife was a prostitute. Yet he loved her faithfully. With faithfulness comes graces. Acts of love increase love, including the love of friendship. Don't dissipate yourself pining for what you cannot have, but make the most of what you can, legitimately, have. I commend your courage and fidelity, keep you in my prayers, and wish you the very best.