I've Actually Been Through A Lot...

Throughout my life, I've always been the quiet, shy kid at school. I'm very tolerant of people, and rarely get into trouble. I just don't see the point in getting into a conflict if it isn't needed. The thing is, my innocent demeanor is so strong that it shields what I wish I could be, if that makes any sense...
I've always wanted to be normal. I've always wanted to be liked and accepted by my peers. Due to my past, I've never felt normal, and I don't know if I ever will. I have a lot of medical issues that make me personally feel like I'm a burden to people who don't know me so well. I have a lot to deal with in my life, and as a child, growing up and not completely understanding why I had all these medical burdens ultimately traumatized me. Now that I think about it, I think my being quiet is sort of like a defense mechanism for me to stay away from danger because when I was little, I perceived the outside world as a dangerous place. Also, the social and emotional aspects of neurological issues can make me seem cold or distant from others, who may not understand that I'm just constantly inside my head. I'm not schizophrenic if that's what you're thinking, but I do have ADD. Anyway, there are just some general aspects of my brain activity that make me who I am today.
Sure, I'm quiet. And yes, I know I come out as innocent sometimes, but do you think I don't see that? Sometimes I feel like such an alien because I'm so shy and don't make as much conversation as others. For me, I have to get to know someone really well before I start being my true self. I'm guarded because of emotional pain, but that doesn't make me different from anybody else my age. I text, I'm on the Internet 24/7, I love spending time with my family, I cuss like a sailor around my best friends, I act like a maniac when I want to, I've gotten drunk, snuck out of the house, I know what **** is, I watch rated R movies...
You know, I'm not that different from most teenagers my age am I?
Here's something about my personality that is sincere and I always show: I don't judge people by what I see, and I am a nonviolent person. I don't like conflict, but that's not because I'm vulnerable or naive, it's because I know it's the right thing in my heart. I've been through so much pain in my lifetime, especially at this age. People have their ups and downs, but that doesn't always make them different from anybody else.
peacelovestrength peacelovestrength
13-15, F
Nov 27, 2012