Continual Re-invention (chapter One)

I was a new wife - 6 months.  Loved my first love for 3 years before walking down the aisle.  Violent jealousy emerged, ironically at our good friend's wedding.  Dancing with an old friend, my new husband snatched me off of the dance floor, dragged me to our hotel room and savagely punched me with closed fists.  I spent the remainder of the night in another hotel room, fleeing for my safety.  Aside, I had survived a tough, but tender childhood - divorced parents, financial insecurity, but never a spanking.  I didn't recognize true brutality and naively chose to overlook it.

Within the next year, I learned infidelity, hate violence, rape, abandonment by my loved ones, and with some time, the loss of my belief in myself.  Raised to be a person of faith, I took my vows to heart and challenged myself to meet this environment with faith and love.  A brief marital separation led to reunion and quickly the creation of my first child.  Marriage was good for those 9 months.  But history began to repeat.  

I now present an offbeat path - I knew that I wanted 2 children and despite spousal behavior, believed this man to be a good ***** donor.  Fourteen months after the birth of my first son, I conceived my second son - all the time knowing I would not be raising my boys with their father in a 'traditional' home.  I was right.  Three weeks after the birth of my second child, I suffered peritonitis from a burst appendix.  Unable to locate my husband, I called my father to rush me to the hospital.  Ironically, my father knew my husband's location and engineered his arrival at the hospital, as I was awaking in the ICU, in critical conditon from my surgery.  My husband had been with his mistress and my father's betrayal was unmasked.

Something happened - after a difficult recovery that included placement of my beloved sons in a stranger's hands, I took a long look in my mirror.  The image that peered back was that of the original girl/woman.  Athlete, leader, academically gifted, beautiful blue-eyed blonde.  I visited this person day after day to confirm that she was not gone.  Made a promise that she would return.  Crazy times ensued, many by my still inexperienced self.  And then I re-invented my life - but only for the first time.

Danachrma Danachrma
56-60, F
1 Response Aug 11, 2010

I cannot imagine you in that marriage. You are so strong, with such common sense and humor in you. I cannot imagine what you went through. I do understand however being faithful to your vows. My wife and I separated for about a year once a long time ago. I was determined that I would do everything in my power to save our marriage. Unlike so many men facing divorce, I told my wife I would support her in whatever decision she made, that I would not fight her over money or property, and that I wanted and intended to be a part of our childrens lives. I did not push or bug her, supported her during the year quietly, but let her know I was there if she changed her mind and I never spoke ill of her in front of my kids (a little different to some friends as you can imagine). After a year she decided she wanted to give it another shot.<br />
<br />
We did counseling. We tried every alternative known to marriage ( I am not a jealous person, and less so today than back then), and yes, I did and have put up with some bad behavior and negative personality characteristics, but thankfully never physical abuse on either of our part.<br />
<br />
I am so very happy you recovered from such a difficult marriage and regained yourself.