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Holden Caulfield Syndrome

A personal story in the experience: I Understand More Than Most People Think I Do
I grew up in a house completely controlled by emotional undercurrents. My father, who we've recently decided demonstrates borderline personality behavior, had made us all slaves to his moods. My mother, a people pleaser, taught us to be afraid of other people's disapproval, including hers and my father's.

So, my whole life was spent in learning to read non-verbal signals, to recognize minute changes in tone of voice and facial expression, and to hear the real meaning behind a person's words. That's how I survived childhood, and now I can't shut it off.

Everywhere I am, all the time, I am picking up these signals. I am hyper-aware of the emotional atmosphere of every situation--I am desperately tuned in to every single person's mood. I am constantly analyzing the true nature of relationships between me and every person I interact with, and every person I observe in daily life. Most of the time, I can read a person's personality within three minutes of meeting them, and predict how they would behave in any circumstance. It's almost like being able to see ghosts, and almost as maddening. What other people don't hear rings in my ears all day. Things that are invisible to other people distract me all the time.

When I married my husband and had to spend time with my in-laws, I nearly went crazy. Every family has flaws--every family has issues that they keep under wraps or ignore. Those issues are glaring to me--they are evident in every conversation and interaction. I can't keep myself from cringing whenever I feel them surface, even if no one else is aware of it.

All of this makes me super-intuitive, and I give pretty good relationship advice if I do say so myself, but it's earned at a high cost. My parents turned me into a bundle of nerves, and half the time I feel like Holden Caulfield--isolated, self-involved, paranoid, and lonely.
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Posted Nov 14th, 2007 at 12:53PM
it's a heavy burden, and a thankless one.
     
Posted Nov 18th, 2007 at 9:02AM
Wow! I understand and relate to SOO much of what you just wrote here. I am always afraid of disappointing people, especially my mom. I also feel that i am way more sensitive to everything than most people around me. You explained everything so perfectly.
     
Posted Jan 7th, 2008 at 8:47PM
Wow.
We ARE alike. It's like looking in a mirror....
     
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