Holden Caulfield SyndromeI grew up in a house completely controlled by emotional undercurrents. My father, who we've recently decided demonstrates borderline personality behavior, had made us all slaves to his moods. My mother, a people pleaser, taught us to be afraid of other people's disapproval, including hers and my father's.
So, my whole life was spent in learning to read non-verbal signals, to recognize minute changes in tone of voice and facial ex
Everywhere I am, all the time, I am picking up these signals. I am hyper-aware of the emotional atmosphere of every situation--I am desperately tuned in to every single person's mood. I am constantly analyzing the true nature of relationships between me and every person I interact with, and every person I observe in daily life. Most of the time, I can read a person's personality within three minutes of meeting them, and predict how they would behave in any circumstance. It's almost like being able to see ghosts, and almost as maddening. What other people don't hear rings in my ears all day. Things that are invisible to other people distract me all the time.
When I married my husband and had to spend time with my in-laws, I nearly went crazy. Every family has flaws--every family has issues that they keep under wraps or ignore. Those issues are glaring to me--they are evident in every conversation and interaction. I can't keep myself from cringing whenever I feel them surface, even if no one else is aware of it.
All of this makes me super-intuitive, and I give pretty good relationship advice if I do say so myself, but it's earned at a high cost. My parents turned me into a bundle of nerves, and half the time I feel like Holden Caulfield--isolated, self-involved, paranoid, and lonely.
BookNerd 22-25, F 7 Responses 12 Nov 14, 2007