Unhappily Married

hello..first time here so bear with me. I have been married for 20 years and I am so unhappy. There is so much missing in my marriage..affection..laughter..just talking. My husband is a very OCD type person and i never feel like I ever do anything right in his eyes. I used to be very affectionate with him but I stopped about 2 years ago because the only time he ever gave back was when he wanted sex. SEX!..I don't want him to touch me at all..I give in because it improves his mood sometimes but its so hard to do..horrible isn't it? Hes so grumpy and withdrawn all the time..he can be fine and I 'll leave to go grocery shopping or something and when I get back hes not speaking to me and I have no idea why. I know he loves me and ours kids and I really the only family he has but I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. The thought of leaving and hurting him tears me up though..I've always been the one who takes care of everyone else and it seems so selfish to think of doing something to make me happy..thers so much more but i guess thats a start.I would love to talk to others who are in the same type of situation.

ja45 ja45
2 Responses Mar 17, 2009

As bad as this sounds, I feel a little better reading these stories knowing I'm not alone. I have been married for 26 years, we have 3 children and a grandchild. Now that I look back I think I was the young teenage girl in love with the older man thinking I could change him. Shocker, I couldn't!! Things got worse after we had our last child, almost 17 years ago. I have stayed for the children, then I felt bad about leaving him alone since I take care of everything. I too am always the one to take care of everybody and not do for myself. I feel selfish for wanting him out, but when my teenage son says "mom, you need to divorce him, I don't care if we live in an apartment". I used to love him so much, still I do not wish any bad on him, but I can't take it anymore. He puts himself before everybody, even the children. He just got well over 20k from a inheritence and put it all in a different account and refuses to pay any household bills with it or buy anything for the house or kids. I'm so done, I dont even get mad anymore, I just wish he would find another lady to take care of hiim and leave me alone. We don't talke, laugh, or have anything in commond. Not to mention, he drinks like a fish and gets mean. I have lost all respect for him and I dont' think our children every had any. I don't know what I'm waiting for, I know what I need to do..

You need to communicate more with him to find out what is bothering him.