Confused Mother Of 2, Deep Beat Husband

I have been married for 6 years now and have 2 amazing children.  My husband was injured almost 3 years ago and has been home on disability.  He can still get around and help with the house. However,  he does very little to help.    I work full time, raise my children, take care of the house and him.  When he first was injured I was going to school full time, working full time nights, raising our children (because he could not due to surgeries), took care of the house, and took care of him. All with very little emotional or mental support from him.  Because of medical expenses we lost our house, our car, and our pride.  we declared bankruptcy.  I managed to get through school and our financial life did improve.  Now 3 years after his injury he is able to get around much better, but still does not help.  I am not attracted to him anymore, I am annoyed and embarrassed by his behavior when in public.  I don't think he ever grew up and now that he does not work, he has no need.  I feel as if I am raising another child.  The strange thing is I have become very self aware that I am actually somebody worthy of attention.  for example we had a rare night out without children with some friends, I felt ignored, and the sad thing is I noticed guys looking at me, my sister even noticed 1 guy in particular (who I happen to be attracted to)  I often wonder about having a fresh start with a new relationship with someone who will actually ask me about my day, and most importantly just listen to me.  My husband often inturrupts me and seems indifferent when i talk, but then acts hurt when I am mad at him .  I want out , in my heart I am not in love anymore, not attracted to him anymore, and often feel he is annoyed easily be our children.  He has taken to talking on line with an ex girlfriend I often feel that she gets more of his emotion then i ever have.   I feel that if i leave him, it would be very unexpected in his eyes.  We separated briefly this last winter, but got back together, and he told me that he would never leave that if our marriage ends it will be my decision.  I am at my happiest when he is in different part of the house then my children and me.   I don't know if this is the right decision or not.  I need help and advice, i don't know what to do.   Any advice for a confused mother of 2?  I am only 30 and i feel like my life has lost its fun, because of my husband.  HELP!!!

nowwhattodo nowwhattodo
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 12, 2010

sorry pure BS take the kids and get our and get an order for suppport from him you need better but what are you teaching the kids about helping out

I think you need to give it one final go, talk to your husband frankly. Tell him that you cant continue this way any more and changes have to be made. He has to help out in the house, help with the kids (after all he is the father) and treat you with respect.<br />
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It seems that you bring in the money, you work hard, you look after the kids, you cook the meals etc. if you left , he would be the loser.<br />
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If this final attempt does not work thehn you wont have any regrets in the future on what ifs.

He'll never leave? Why would he? <br />
Get out while you still can!

you married for better or worse, sickness and in health. it is too easy today to give up on a marriage when things start to go bad. After his injury did he get any counseling? This is a life changing experience for the both of you, seek professional help. you have two little ones to think about, they need their father and mother to get along and show them what a healthy relationship is, so they can grow up and become healthy adults. Sorry don't mean to preach, just please remember what brought the two of you together in the first place and the love that created those two beautiful children. Seeking help can bring that back. I have learned from my own mistakes, do not give up too soon.