Yet Another Fine Mess I Got Into

I'm so tired of living in the cold dark woods in the middle of no where. I have health problems which cold causes me so much pain I can't think much less get my household work done. Kind of hard when you have layers of clothes on just to stay warm, I'm so sick of feeding the fireplace just for some heat. Financially I'm stuck, I live with my x husband for which we have a grown daughter. I've tried many times to re kindle this relationship, it's just not the same. He went into the navy after our divorce, also to get off speed addiction. Which is a huge reason we split up, after he left I remarried. We have 2 sons, he has now passed away. Good old beer will kill you eventually, vodka killed my father. He was abusive towards me and the boys, I call it karma. And now back living with my first husband, it's just not working for me. He lived with his mother for 10 yrs after getting out of the navy, she hates me never liked me. His father thought I was the best thing that ever happen to his son, he passed yrs ago. So his mother was a racist mean controlling *****, she had a stroke I helped him by taking care of her. Until she accused me of stealing from her, after treating me like a slave. That was the last straw, I was only trying to help him, not her. He became just as selfish as she was, and they bad talked me for yrs. so he acts like I owe him. The story has a lot more to it, but my current problem is. I moved back in with him o try again, well it's not working for me at all. Between his drinking and lazy attitude, sexual comments constantly and grabbing at my female parts. Acts like its ok he let his body go, but I'm supposed to stay pretty and slim. Well I am and he's not, so there's no physical attraction for me. He's still attracted to me because I'm the same as I was when we met physically, but I don't care about sex when I'm not happy. I'm a slave here, and the climate is killing me literally. He doesn't want to pay rent or mortgage, he can live in his moms old house cheap. It's paid off, I can't stay living here and wait to die. I don't see him ever moving out of here, well I am. I'm disabled and surviving barely on SSI in Ca. I need a warmer climate, a lot warmer. So I'm in the process of finding resources to help me move to Hawaii, it's the perfect climate for me. My doctor agrees strongly, but money wise it's very hard. I wanted an animal rescue my whole life, when I win the lottery that's what I'm going to do. Not if I win, when I win. Sooner then much later I hope. I'm doing everything I can find to do to help me get where I need to be the rest of my life. Anyone have any ideas to make things a little easier? Or anyone want to join ?
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013