Why I'm Benefitting From Legal Marijuana Right Now (redxdawn Spark 20)

I understand a part of therapy is to dig deep and see issues. Also, writing things down helps me alot. So here goes...

I'm so scared that I'll never be normal. I remember the times in which I felt normal. I was dating a girl who I was giving everything to, I loved her so much. I was stable, rational, reasonable. She would make me look really stupid in front of people, and it really hurt me. I'm at the point now that I've moved on. I was planning on rebounding FAST, getting a new girl, like I always do. I decided not to...last time I did that it really really hurt the girl I was with. Rush into a relationship with a borderline and see what happens We close ourselves off. We sometimes cheat, whatever. We can be very cruel. I treated her like ****. Now I don't want to hurt any more women I date, but at the same time, I want to be able to get that craving of love I want. I did some research and found I was BPD, and my world crushed. Did some googling and all the negative **** people were saying about borderlines totally made me lose hope. Started learning about legal highs, because I get **** tested at my job. Found one, I've been smoking it for about 2 months now, and I'm seeing things in a much more positive light. Even the paranoia I get from it, I can channel it while smoking to think about what the REAL issue is. For instance, right now I'm paranoid about being high. I've had a dad who had communication issues and didn't know how to be a dad. Very controlling to me and my mom. I love him, because I know he just did the best he could to help raise me. It helps with forgiveness. I'm going back to church very soon, to really re-dedicate myself to God. I'm a Christian and I believe that God is the cure for BPD. Weed helps me get there and FEEL his love. All of these realizations I've had have come from when I was high. I'm realizing theres gona be a girl out there for me thats gona love and respect me having BPD, and I'll be able to love and respect her back the same way, and I won't get distant, and I'll trust her and not hurt when she says something mean to me. It promotes positive thinking.

All of this I'm writing as I'm high as HELL. I goto get back from vacation on monday, but I have a few days to really give myself therapy. Have a therapist read this, and tell me its not good for BPDers
deftonesfan4l1fe deftonesfan4l1fe
1 Response Jul 29, 2010

I'm not going to comment on your "legal high" issues - I'm not even sure what you mean. I will comment on your belief that God will cure your BPD. I think what you really need is some long-term therapy with a professional who specializes in BPD treatment. I wish you well.