I Use Marijuana to Combat My Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm Fighting My Bpd Naturally.

By: Gypsyash13

Written on August 24th, 2011

I'm 22 years old, i was diagnosed with BPD when i was 15, normally dr.'s dont diagnose BPD in anyone under 18, but my distructive episodes were so intense by that point, they felt they needed to treat me as an adult. They put me on haldol. when i was on the medication, I felt that I was losing what made me, me. i had been experimenting with drugs from age 11. I quit doing drugs when they started me on haldol because my mother threatend to take me to the hospital and have me drug tested at any time. she never did. eventually i quit taking the haldol. i couldnt stand how i felt anymore. yes, the violent urges were suppresed and i was able to control myself slightly better, but i had lost my creativity that made me who i was, and it wasnt taking away my problems. this made my parents very concerned, i simply refused to take it and i knew they were afraid of how i would react to being off the meds (i wont lie, i was nervous myself). after about 3 months my BPD was in full swing, i had some very serious episodes and had started my selfdistructive behavior again. i started smoking pot a lot, along with other drugs. i never became addicted to any particular drug, i was simply addicted to getting high. i was completely calm when i was high. i was off edge, able to relax, and laugh, and not feel trapt in my skin like i had been for so long. i figured out that just the marijuana high alone gave me all of that and it was so much cheaper than everything else. when i started smoking everyday, i changed completely. my sense of humor came back, i enjoy things in life again, i didnt feel the need to run around partying as long as i had my bag of weed i was content. 3 years ago i met my boyfriend, who was also using marijuana to help self-treat his disorders. i never in a million years would have thought that two people, with such severe, overwhelming disorders, would have been able to have the normal relationship that we share. i no longer hide that i self medicate with marijuana. i've become a huge advocate of medical marijuana. I'm not just another stoner. I'm a full time college student, earning my 2nd degree! I'm engaged to be married, i work 2 part time jobs and live a very healthy, normal life now. i comepletely credit all of my accomplishments to me smoking marijuana. untill i started a daily routine that included pot, i couldnt finish anything that i started. now i'm more confidant and i'm normal and most people would never know that i get high 4-6 times every day.

By: Gypsyash13

Age: 22-25

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2 responses

perpetualconvalescence

i am also 22. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was 17. i've been in and out of therapy for my entire life and on and off of pills since i was diagnosed. however, through a lot of research, i find that, in every way, i fit the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, whereas i only fit a few of the symptoms of bipolar disorder. while i was taking the medication i was given - xanax, lamictal, & paxil - i also found that i was losing a part of myself that i hold very dear - my creative side. i am a creative writing and philosophy student, so this was very worrisome. i stopped taking the medication and began smoking marijuana every day. when i start to feel what i call a "breakdown" coming on, i take a few hits and i start to feel more relaxed. i eat, which i have a hard time doing on my own. i also have a difficult time sleeping. that's why i was originally prescribed the xanax. the xanax did help me fall asleep, but it gave me vivid nightmares and left me feeling groggy the next time. if i smoke before i go to sleep, i fall asleep easily, free of nightmares, and i can still be productive the next day. my parents are very worried about my use of marijuana to self-medicate. but, in all honesty, i feel that marijuana has saved my life when i've felt suicidal. in my opinion, whatever works to ease or eliminate a mental disorder should most definitely be utilized.

Aug 30, 2012
1 like
fam6236

im 38 and have been smoking marijuana since the age of 15. I recently have been arrested by the DEA and am facing prison time. Now my situation is worse because they want to put me in a shock program that is suppose to be rehabilitative, I say bullshit! This is my second felony arrest for marijuana and now everyone including my fiancee and family say I should be remorseful and sorry for what I did to them and my life! hmmm....interesting, I thought that the fact that I never committed any other crime in my life like sticking a gun in someones face or breaking into houses, or smoking crack like all the other scumbags I seen while i was in jail! I am currently out on bail but am definetely going into the system again within the next two months. Yea I got caught with a lot of marijuana...yea its against the law, so sick of hearing it. My lawyer is saying that if I go in with a negative attitude that they will kick me out of this "shock" program where these military style people get in your face and scream and yell all day at you! I give myself maybe a week in this program. I tried last week to quit smoking pot and all of a sudden I started having nightmares and could not eat, I became real edgy with everyone. So I decided to take a couple hits the other night, what do ya know I got my appetite back and felt relaxed and normal again....geeze I must be a horrible person though for doing that.

My point is that you should not feel bad about yourself no matter what someone says to you about marijuana. I too am on antidepressants like prozac. The government and criminal justice system have this issue *** backwards! like how can I be remorseful for a plant that I gave to friends and some relatives to relax them????

Mar 25, 2012
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