I'm 22 years old, i was diagnosed with BPD when i was 15, normally dr.'s dont diagnose BPD in anyone under 18, but my distructive episodes were so intense by that point, they felt they needed to treat me as an adult. They put me on haldol. when i was on the medication, I felt that I was losing what made me, me. i had been experimenting with drugs from age 11. I quit doing drugs when they started me on haldol because my mother threatend to take me to the hospital and have me drug tested at any time. she never did. eventually i quit taking the haldol. i couldnt stand how i felt anymore. yes, the violent urges were suppresed and i was able to control myself slightly better, but i had lost my creativity that made me who i was, and it wasnt taking away my problems. this made my parents very concerned, i simply refused to take it and i knew they were afraid of how i would react to being off the meds (i wont lie, i was nervous myself). after about 3 months my BPD was in full swing, i had some very serious episodes and had started my selfdistructive behavior again. i started smoking pot a lot, along with other drugs. i never became addicted to any particular drug, i was simply addicted to getting high. i was completely calm when i was high. i was off edge, able to relax, and laugh, and not feel trapt in my skin like i had been for so long. i figured out that just the marijuana high alone gave me all of that and it was so much cheaper than everything else. when i started smoking everyday, i changed completely. my sense of humor came back, i enjoy things in life again, i didnt feel the need to run around partying as long as i had my bag of weed i was content. 3 years ago i met my boyfriend, who was also using marijuana to help self-treat his disorders. i never in a million years would have thought that two people, with such severe, overwhelming disorders, would have been able to have the normal relationship that we share. i no longer hide that i self medicate with marijuana. i've become a huge advocate of medical marijuana. I'm not just another stoner. I'm a full time college student, earning my 2nd degree! I'm engaged to be married, i work 2 part time jobs and live a very healthy, normal life now. i comepletely credit all of my accomplishments to me smoking marijuana. untill i started a daily routine that included pot, i couldnt finish anything that i started. now i'm more confidant and i'm normal and most people would never know that i get high 4-6 times every day.