I'm Not Sure It Is Helping But I Really Hope It Is...

I don't feel very comfortable talking about what I have or how I feel, but I'm going to give it a shot, as it is has become very overwhelming to even wake up. I am 30 years old, married, and I live in The Netherlands, but I am brazilian, wich by itself makes very hard already to live here, now ad to this the fact that I have bipolar disorder, borderline and occasionally psychotic episodes and all the treatment I try to get here is in dutch (I really hate this language!!), my psychologist does not even talk english...and after she found out I had borderline as well, she just give up on me saying that it was too much for her to keeping talking to me. To make thinks worse after 6 years with my husband, just now I realized how bad I've been treating him and is horrible! I just want him to leave me and be happy, but he wont, and I don't know what to do anymore. What he ask me to try and I've been doing for the last 20 days is marijuana in the evening, and it really has helped me stop with my rapid cycling....still does not solves my problems, but it definitely stop me from hurting myself everyday. I hope one day they recognize it medicinal weed for mental illness