Used To Be Able To Keep A Full Time Job Until The Dea Came And So Called Helped Me About 5 Years Ago.

I am a man living in north dakota. I got a wife with many health problems mostly caused by all the prescriptions shes had over the years. anti anxiety pills or benzos have given her extreme pain and weakened her brain to where she picked up meningitis sometime in the last 9 months. life is miserable. I used to smoke marijuana medicinally for my intense bipolar 2 until a neighbor got mad i called the cops because he was out screeching his tires in the driveway at 3 am with a bunch of drunks including him. Constant partying all hours of the night. When the cops came they didnt even give them a warning instead they decided to raid my place the next day. I had a bong etc pipes and about a q of some real good nuggs. they came in on my day off put their guns to my head and forced their way into my place. They said they were gonna help me get my life together.
My life was great before they came. I was happy worked out every day and worked as a maintenance person at the local college.

But the pigs werent happy with my just having possession so they threw some leaves that they brought with them into an empty aquarium i had in a closet. they came out of that room and said uh oh jake this is what we dont like.

They said they were gonna charge me with manufacturing marijuana and I was going to jail for 10 years if I didnt go undercover for them. a year long court case insued with the classic public attourney move of telling me they violated my rights which they did but i couldnt afford my own attourney.... all the way till my final court appearance when he told me minutes before my hearing that I had to plea guilty to possesion and paraphernalia. So i had to. I was on probation for 2 years and havent gotten in trouble or smoked since.

The quality of my life is terrible. Im so anxious, depressed, unmotivated and mentally sick that I even went to the local psychiatrics to get the medicine they offer in the old crap stained nd. In my life before and after this I have tried depakote, zanex, remeron, attivan, cymbalta, prozac, and many other prescribed meds from the pill pushing doctors. All of which have led to me almost killing myself, hating my life and wanting to die every single day I was on them. One time I puked in high school because of the prozac and nearly got arrested and was given a breathalizer because they thought I must be drinking if I am at school.Some meds like depakote and zanex would just turn me into a zombie with no sex drive, and no interest or desire to continue on this treacherous path we call life on earth.

Even after I told the doctor I tried prozac when I was a kid and I got really sick from it and tried taking my life, which was totally out of character for me before i took any medications. mind you they prescribed me this at age 14 before I ever took a drink or did a street drug only because they were trying to dumb me down because my dad wouldnt let me play sports in school and i was very upset.

So after the first time I took prozac thats when my bipolar came full circle in my life. I went from being a devoted student and christian off meds to being a wild risk taker who didnt give a **** about anything especially myself. I stole things, screwed permiscuous girls and vandalized stuff all until they took me off of it.

But after all that the doctors said now that I should try it again because it will affect me different now that im 26 years old. So I did, as soon as an hour passed after taking it I went into a manic state. I felt so hopeless and anxious, like my whole life is just one big joke. I went to badlands human service center for help and I got a free trip to wanting to kill myself because im a worthless piece of **** town.

The only time in my life I have ever felt good and like I could do every day tasks and I was worthwhile as a person, friend,father or lover.. and deal with mean people without kicking their face in is when I use marijuana. I could be up on a manic episode hopeless, feeling like my life is meaningless or at least I am and that everybody would be better off if I went and ran my car into a brick wall going 130 in my ride after deactivating the air bags.

but feeling like that I could take one puff of some good nuggs and instantly I feel like Im worthwhile again. I actually enjoy life again when i roast some buds. but i cant because they penalize marijuana users more than sex offenders here in the great north dakota. They said if I get caught again its a mandatory minimum sentence probably 2 years at least in the pen

Now im older I have kids and I cant smoke marijuana. I am depressed all the time and very angry and unstable and literally scared to death of what would happen if I took some prescriptions from the doctors again. Because I know one of these times I will just let go and do myself in.

To be honest I havent smoked in 2 years, and it has been the worst 2 years of my life. I dont want to go to jail for using medicine. People can get drunk every night and smoke cigs till their lungs pop driving around wrecklessly and alcohol is still legal. people get in fights all the time and everything else under the sun to cause trouble and its all good.

But smoking a battie of a plant that god gave us to use in the privacy of my bathroom with the fan on at night when I get home just so I can live my life like everyone else.... im at risk of going to the state penn with murderers and rapists.

So I sit here and try to cope hoping I can struggle on another year being miserable because nobody thinks bipolar is real at least not people that matter. Hoping every day that some miracle will happen and I lll be able to use the only medicine thats ever worked for me one day with no fear of trouble for my family

If I could have marijuana all the time, I would be a better dad husband citizen and worker. But because I dont Ill just keep on struggling and struggling
jake85 jake85
26-30, M
3 Responses May 15, 2012

Hang in there Jake 85; this issue has to get pushed to the Supreme Court; this Drug War is destroying lives and Americans......

Sounds to me like you need to move to California or another states that allow you to have a medicinal license. You are way too young to stay living in the same situation for the rest of your life. Best wishes.

All the meds on the market are so dangerous its not worth taking their filthy little pills. So many side effects and warnings. OH HERE YOU GO HOPEFULLY THIS WILL HELP BUT BE CAREFUL BECAUSE YOUR LIVER MIGHT **** THE BED AND YOU MIGHT TRY PUTTING A BULLET IN YOUR BRAIN. OTHER SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE PAINFUL URINATION, SWELLING, STROKE, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, HEART PALPITATIONS AND DEATH...... PLEASE SIGN HERE TO WAIVE YOUR RIGHT TO PROSECUTE IF YOU DO DIE.