Im New Here....but Not To Smoking Pot.

I was diagnosed as Bipolar Mix 7 months ago. I came to find out that I've been Bipolar since I was 17 and that was 10 years ago. I've been smoking pot since I was 15 and actually sustained 3 major head injuries at 15. This made me very irritable, moody and turned me into a completely different person. Not long after that, when i was 18, i discovered cocaine and a drinking habit. I thought I had put all that aside when I was 20 and found that if I didnt smoke pot I was filled with energy and anxiety I couldnt get rid of or control and probably once every 2 weeks I would go on a cocaine and drinking binge for a day and the next 2 weeks I was depressed and couldnt get out of bed. I went on anti-depressants and nothing helped for long. The anxiety always came back. The only way I found to control my anxiety and depression was to smoke pot...alot....something I had been doing throughout my life since I was 15. This past summer I decided that I needed help to find out what was wrong with me and went to a mental hospital to be diagnosed. I had been cutting myself and really been on a self-destructive path. There, they told me I had to stop smoking pot in order for them to treat me and that pot would make my anxiety  worse. While I was there, I learned what to call my "anxiety". They called it Mania. I had a Manic episode my 2nd day there and had no pot. The medicine they gave me to calm me down made me feel the same exact way pot did....high, hungry and tired. To make a long story short, I take Serequel to sleep at night and still continue to smoke pot everyday religiously. I do agree, however, that it does depend on the individual person and the extent of their illness. Mine isnt bad and I have more depressed days than I do Manic ones. I dont hear voices or see things and I'm not uncontrolable during my Mania...just easily irritated. I love marijuana. Ive loved smoking it since the first time i got high and I, personally, am going to keep smoking it because it helps me maintain a normal everyday life. If the government will allow terminally ill people to smoke it to help with their symptoms, why cant a mentally ill person do the same? Technically, we are terminal too, in the sense that we will never be cured of our disease.

J3NN J3NN
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 16, 2010

I very much agree with you! I was given Serequel but I can't take it ... I have 2 kids that I have to take care of and it just knocks me on my ***. I smoke my pot and it helps me so much more than alot of the perscription drugs they give me. Good luck on your journey through life!