Feels Like We Only Go Backwards By Tame Impala

I've been absolutely obsessed with this song ever since I heard it a month ago, and I know it's because it explains how I've felt for so long to a T. It's exactly how I feel about everyone who truly cares about me, and everyone who is trying to breakthrough to me; I wish I could share this song with those people. I really need to analyze how specific parts apply to me, so I ought to do that on here. *Using the lyrics from www.azlyrics.com* -

"It feels like I only go backwards baby,
Every part of me says "go ahead".
But I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again.
Feels like we only go backwards darling."

I'm going through some major positive changes right now in my life that make people think I must be feeling positive, but I truly feel negative deep down because I'm so used to how things used to be for basically all of my life. I'm happy about the changes, but I truly don't want to get my hopes totally high that my life will be super better along with the positive changes, I know it's going to take a very long time for that.

"I know that you think you sound
silly when you call my name
But I hear it inside my head all day.
When I realise I'm just holding onto
the hope that maybe
your feelings don't show."

I've always cared so much more for others than they care about me, which always hurts me deep down, but I just appreciate that they care at all. I know that I'm not anybody's favorite. I do hold onto the hope that maybe their feelings don't show - that maybe they care about me way more than I believe. It would be such a pleasant surprise if people did care more than I believe.

"The seed of all this indecision isn't me, oh no,
'Cause I decided long ago.
But that's the way it seems to go when trying
so hard to get to something real,
It feels."

I've mentioned before that major changes are happening in my life, I'll always think of 2013 as the year of change, but I feel very confused. Very indecisive. The changes have me thinking twice about whether or not that with the changes, happiness will follow. I've always dreamed of what my life would be like if I wasn't totally fat (one of the changes is that I'm on Weight Watchers), and if I wasn't depressed and anxious (the other change is that I'm going through counseling and taking medication), and I'm trying so hard to get to what my dreams are like.

Overall, this song is total magic. To anyone who ends up reading this, I highly recommend the song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-dsnqw0vfc
MurielAgnes MurielAgnes
18-21, F
May 4, 2013