Daddy Issues, Like Every Other Young Promiscuous Girl

I was a small child when my father left. And like many girls without a father, I tried to get male attention, and I tried to get it in a bad way. I went from a string of playground marriages to losing my virginity in the school bathroom with a boy I barely knew. I slept with boys at school, at parties, in their cars, at their houses. I was unassuming enough to dodge a reputation for a while, but I escalated pretty quickly. I spent my time outside of class either in an alcohol induced haze, *******, or both. Usually both. Of course, my mother wasn't the best role model. She had a string of men coming in and out of her bedroom, and I had seen her with several of them on a few occasions. There were a few incidents with some of the men, some lines that were crossed.

I had an affair with one of my married teachers, but it was different from all the boys. Having sex with him was more passionate, more connected, more of a husband and wife type of sex. Obviously it didn't last, but when I was with him I felt better about myself. It was no surprise after the affair ended that I threw myself even further into promiscuity. I became less discreet, and I started to get a reputation. I went to parties more often, sometimes college parties, to get drunk, and I knew that when I got drunk I would get slutty.

I'm dating an older man now and I wonder how much of my attraction to him is a "daddy issue," but I think this relationship is different. We click on a deep, intellectual level, and I haven't slept with him. Not at all. I am celibate for the time being, and he understands why and doesn't push me at all.
cephaloscotti cephaloscotti
26-30, F
3 Responses May 8, 2012

Please get back to me with an answer

I know you you went through things and I didn't even read.all of it im sorry but I have a short question please don't be affended it's for me. ... did you ever get sexually assaulted our rape I want to give this promiscuous dressing for a short while when I get older.

Your latest relationship sounds a lot healthier for you - and even if it is a 'daddy issue' thing, well, almost everyone marries their mother or father (in an emotional sense at least), its pretty hard to avoid.<br />
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Is there any advice you'd give to younger you? anything you can think of that might have deflected you off the course you were on?

You are worth loving.