I Am Clean NowI am a recovering addict with almost 2 years clean. Poetry gave me back my sanity, and prison saved my life.
I was on the path to destruction and thought for 9 years that it was okay to be an addict... that I was somehow above the law. That because I was addicted to crack/cocaine that make it legal for me to smoke.
I started to smoke crack when I found out I have trigeminal neuralgia (it is a disease that you get when the cartilidge in your jaw is damaged) - making your jaw unable to stop the pulsating caused by the blood rushing through your body. It is very painful. http://www.tna.org - Old people who get it, sometimes kill themselves because they can't get any relief - it's been nicknamed "The Suicide Disease".
and while I know now, that I coped out by using illegal drugs at the time - I was ready to kill myself. The reason I got the disease in the 1st place, is because my 1st bf broke my jaw twice - and that over time - caused the unrepairable damage done to the cartiledge in my jaw)...
course he was long gone... the pain didn't start til 6 years later. there is a medicine that usually reduced the pain - called tegretol only - I took it, and ended up with a life-threatening blood disorder called purpura... it looked like I have leprosy. it's itched like I swam in poison ivy.
but prison saved my life, and poetry brought my sanity back. I know I'll never use again, it almost feels like that, was another life.
I been reborn. I don't have cravings. I desire it. I don't think ibout it. nothing.
so if you in recovery or want to stop you can... if I can anybody can.