My Comfort

To be honest--be it my generation--I was already accustomed to the internet by the age of 5. I was going on Playhouse Disney on my cute little @ol for kids. Cartoon Network never worked well because my house never had good speed till later in years. I do remember my parents stayed on dialup for an awful long time. But once we got off--well, we could never go back.
Only my mother ever used the computer besides me, my father--or better known as "Step Father" from previous stories--He never cared for it, nor did he ever learn to use it. My mom, while she did use it, never needed internet that much. She also had her laptop which she used mostly leaving the desktop all to me for the most part. 

While I guess in a sense it was foreseeable I'd become a "computer addict" It wasn't until about 5th grade where my life was spiraling out of control. I got bullied around that time, a lot. I broke up--me being the breaker uper-- with my best friend. My first best friend, at that time. Her name, was Rachel. 

I wont go into her as much here, but what I will say is, for what we were--I actually think I made a very hard, yet smart decision for like...8..9 years old?? Be that as it may, if I thought she was bad during our friendship, then as if hell herself opened the floodgates, I suffered from most of my bullying starting from her. Physical and Emotional--but mostly emotional. I only remember actually have a scuffle with her once, to which no one ever knew about. Though she did grow out her "claws" and use to scratch and dig into my skin a lot. Never till I bled, but enough for me to hurt. 
But really, she wasn't a bad kid. Actually, we were around the same boat. Lonely and hungry for attention. We just went about it entirely different ways.

Moving along, prior to these events, said best friend had introduced me to my first MMO. Runescape :) I'm sure some would remember that...horribly ****** yet addicting game. I made it up to Level 40+ I believe. Wasted a lot of time on that game. But since I was playing with her it was fun.~

But after our friendship ended, I almost instinctively stopped playing that game...But what I didn't stop playing, was Neopets. Then I ventured to Gaiaonline via my cousin--which took up most of my pre-teen years as well as CokeMusic. However I had a hard time using CokeMusic at first--because of dialup. But during the time my fathers illness had gotten worse, there was an occasion where I stayed at his sisters house. Whenever I was there I'd say hi, and go straight for her computer, playing on there for hours upon hours, and then deleting my history. I think once we came home from that--that is what made me be more pushy for faster internet. My mom obliged--in hopes of making me happy, but unwittingly, I went spiraling into addiction.

To be honest, I don't blame my mother for any of this. She gave me more love then I think is even reasonable for a parent to give, she ended up playing the single parent role long before my father died. Life can just be that unreasonable.

Basically, between the bullying, my father in and out my house and in and out hospitals. I used the computer as my vice for a very...very long time. I'm 18 years old now, while I can say I'm better then I was. I still to a certain degree consider myself an addict. But a sad truth has been spun in my life. I've been addicted to the computer longer then I have not. I'd say for about 8-10 years. 
But I guess, in some ways, this is no worse then me finding solace in another broken hearts arms or drinking my sorrows till I throw up reality. I guess you could also call me an unwilling drug addict. Thanks, pharmacy's.
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Sep 10, 2012