I Will Regret It ForeverI have been in a relationship with the same person for 8 years, since I was 14 (22 yrs now) and for the first 2.5 years I was a cheater. I was a totally different person who thought all men were scumbags (no offense) and I just wanted them all to admit it and if they didn't my method was to make u prove to me u were one. I cheated b/c I wanted him to admit he wanted only sex from me, I cheated b/c I was no ones property, I cheated b/c I could do whatever I wanted.
Really I cheated b/c I didn't understand how anyone could want anything from me other than sex, and I never had multiple boyfriends or anything so the ppl I was cheating with...well those relationships were easier to understand. Just sex-simple.
After 2.5 years I can only describe it as an epiphany, I suddenly realized how silly it all was and honestly wasn't even fun. By then he was so screwed up by me he couldn't bring himself to trust me and I don't blame him. I did my best to prove to him i was different, and he was worth it. He never really trusted me and soon I was off to college.
He took a risk I am grateful for, the summer I was gonna leave he asked me to marry him and told me he trusted me to respect the title enough to be a changed woman. It was totally random b/c until the very moment he asked me we hadn't even spoken for 3 months even though we lived down the street from one another. But I took it seriously, I haven't cheated since he asked me in 2007. I have had an issue with temptation, I admit when I get super pissed (not the pissed off that comes from forgetting to call me back but the kind that comes from forgetting a b-day or long-time neglect) off the first thing I wanna do is talk to another guy but never romantically just venting really and I only did it once cuz it's immature.
I love him and I love to always be able to see him but I hate knowing that I did what I did. I can never be so forgiving as he was, unfair I know but I'm so different from who I used to be that it's like a dream. I just know that if he cheated on me it'll probably be over.
Also he's a great guy, he almost literally worships me. Whenever I meet someone he's known for a good while they always are able to tell me stories about myself b/c he always talks about me. I feel like I had it great from the beginning nowadays and am always worried karma will catch up somehow. Wheneever something bad happens to me, like me not being able to find a job or something I think it's my karma, we're both strong believers in it.
I'm always in fear of it so I always regret what I did, what if I just did good from the beginning I wouldn't be living in fear now that I continue to make him pay b/c of those past mistakes. Sounds crazy I know especially when you think of all the ppl you know get things they don't deserve. I feel like since I know better I can't expect better sometimes. it's just a strange fear