I Was Once a Cutter


I started cutting at the age of 10 it was just after my grandfather passed away, for over half my life he was sick, so every weekend I was traveling to Melbourne to either take him to the hospital, take him to see a specialist or to visit him in the repat hospital, so I got to spend a lot of time with him, after he was out of hospital we would spend a heap of time together he was always playing with me I was the youngest out of all him grandchildren and I was the only grandchild that visited him or spent any time with him in the hospital and at home it didn’t matter to me that he had tubes and all that or he was a little different or when he was missing half his leg all I saw was my grandpa, every time he was in the ccu the family would push me in to the room to see how he handed seeing one of us, both me and him would end up crying all over each other, we were the best of friends and I would make him come and sit down and play with me after he had his heart attack  and was pulling away from everyone, it was 4 days after my 10th birthday that we got a call to come to the hospital that they didn’t think that he would make it through the night, so we all went to the hospital, and they decided that I wasn't allowed to go in and say goodbye to him, so they made me sit in the waiting room all by myself  while a few yards away my grandfather was dying, it was the next day that I started cutting I was in so much pain and I missed him so much and most of all I hated my family for keeping me away from my grandfather and to this day I still haven’t forgiven them and I never will they took the last moment that my grandfather and myself would ever have together.

bubble24 bubble24
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 25, 2009

This is heartbreaking. My grandfather died when I was 8, so I know how it feels to lose your grandfather at a young age. He lived in another state when we found out that he had a heart attack and was in a coma, and I remember my mom decided to fly out there, so I immediately packed my suitcase (as best as I could considering I was 8) and than I wasn't allowed to go. It took me a few years to forgive them for it, but than I realized that they just didn't want me to see him in that state, because they thought it would be too hard. Sometimes, they just try to do what's best for us, even we disagree with their decision, I'm sure they were just trying to look out for you. <br />
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I can see why you started cutting, that's rough to go through at such a young age. I was around 13 when I started cutting and it lasted a few years before I ended it. I can only imagine how that was at 10. But hey! At least you got through it, that's what's most important, congrats! If you ever need anyone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me.