Addicted To Oxycontin And Became An Escort

I moved to Florida to live with my brother and his girlfriend after living for almost a year in a religious community that turned out to be a cult. Tensions were high, because his girlfriend didn't like me or my 7 year old daughter from the beginning, and my brother grew even more distant from me and always sided with her. I was trying to go to school, and take care of my daughter, and for the first 7 months I had to ride a bike everywhere because I had no vehicle. I also was going to school for something I had no interest in, Information Technology (computers) which my brother suggested, but I had no desire to pursue. Since I had no other ideas at the time, I decided to give it a try. It was in one of those classes that I met my Eric. We eventually fell in love, and although there were some rough patches we really adored each other. About a year into the relationship, Eric introduced me to a litttle drug called Oxycontin. I had struggled with alcohol/drug abuse before, yet I thought I could just use it recreationally, but it became my only escape from my cronically stressful environment. I ended up getting very severely addicted, spending 300-400 dollars a week, and started to think about anything I could do to get more. Meanwhile, Eric had stopped using it, and I was now hiding it from him.
Then I started escorting. First I put an add up on Friendfinder, but the men didn't seem to "get" why I was there. So I checked craigslist and found an escorting service. It was awful. I was so high, and out of control, not eating or sleeping that I am surprised I didn't die. I put my daughter in danger, driving around while high and even taking her to the hotel for the other girls to babysit, while I had my "date." This went on for a month, I would say I was with 15 men in total. I also answered adds for "personal assistants" that did nothing but make me feel even more cheap. I basically transformed into a crazy, desperate person. I also decided to do this, because I impulsively decided to move out of my brother's house and get an apartment and then ran out of money. I know mother of the year. I have since moved back home with my parents and have made my life better, little by little.
Before I left I told my boyfriend everything that I did. He was understandably hurt and shocked. He called me one night before I left saying he was saving up for a ring, because he as going to ask me to marry him. I have never felt so ashamed and horrible. He said he still loved me and forgave me and all of that didn't matter, and I was going to go back down to see him in a few days. He called me up last night and said it wasn't a good idea, he wasn't ready and that I should move on, but that he would always love me.
I know what I did hurt him, profoundly, but I hurt myself as well. I didn't do this out of pleasure, but out of desperation, addiction, and fear. The oxycontin took over everything in my life, and I just wanted to ask what others thought about his response to what happened.
aviv30 aviv30
26-30
Jul 29, 2010