The Beartrap Of "having To Go Back".

Dear sisters,

I have been a callgirl about 1 1/2 years ago due to homelessness, I worked hard and accepted the damage, in the end I was able to get out of the mess and get a new place to live and even a job,
Now I face another issue, financially: I need surgery, but I can't affort the hospital bills and my income is too low to get a loan or a proper credit.
So naturally, the temptation to go back 'working the job' is huge, as I don't seem to be able to get the needed money any other way.

How do you girls cope with the temptation of getting back to prostitution during financial difficult times?
Do you think it's a necessary way to survive? What is your opinion about these things?
Thank you for reading (and replying, if you do). :-)
Scarcollection Scarcollection
22-25, F
3 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Dear Sister,

I can relate to your message, allot. The tempation to go back into the business is huge when you're in financially hard times. Even through i was only an escort for 5 months when i was just 18 y/o, after an year i was still in doubt. You are in an verry, verry difficult situation at this point. Your health is important, but think about it this way: is it important enough to also add emotional damage? I understand the love-hate relationship with the work. In my "recovery" i started over-thinking my moral values. I almost decided to go back to "Anne", my escort-name. Already called and made an interview. The only thing that kept me away was to surround myself with loving people. They where my hold, my rock. I honestly think i would do it to myself if it was to up to me, but couldn't becouse of them. It's the people around you who deserve your hapiness. If it's one thing i learned passed year(s) it's that you are hurting them when you're hurting yourself. Just like i have to cry when my mom or bestfriend is in pain. From that moment, i decided to keep strong and live without money (i had no job). Then something magical happend. I am used to **** up situations (for myself) all the time. But now, on that verry exact date i would have the interview, i've met the man of my life. A stable, sweet, caring, christian, hard working, loving young man who takes me on dates, buys me chocolate, tells me he loves me and hugs me for ours. After a month, i found 3 jobs including an job in nursery. I can tell, that having a relationship and loving the work i'll do is allot of work. It's easier somehow to just let go off all hope (might seems weird) and just live fast (die young). But i love to work for it. I don't know what advise to give, since i am only an 19-year-old girl and i do not know you, or the necessity of your illness/surgery. I can only say keep strong, think about allot untill your head just explode, and wait. It's worth waiting, and i saw that when you do good, good things will happen and come to your path. Surround yourself with loving people, familie, friends and i hope you will find the strenght to do what's best for you and them. You are being loved, don't forget.

Lots of love and good luck from a Dutch gir

Even though this is annold story and no longer relevant. Thank you for your kind words. :)
Als je ooit eens wilt praten hierover of whatever, je mag me een berichtje sturen als je daar behoefte voor voelt. :)

You can definitely get help in another way. There are SO many programs for low income people, and women trying to get out of prostitution and the sex industry. ( The simple fact is that many women feel trapped, and wonder how they will ever be able to survive off a "normal" job. It is possible, you just need to change the way you think. I always went back thinking it was "the only way" and that I "couldn't" do anything else. Not true.

Not only is prostitution dangerous - it's degrading.

I went through years of hell working in this industry. Toward the end, I cried every day. I felt trapped.

Then, I found Jesus. About six months later I got baptized. It was a miracle, I cancelled all of my appointments, and did not see one more client after that day. Now I wake up in the morning, looking forward to the day. Every day, the sun is shining on me. I no longer wake up dreading seeing that John, and knowing the awful things they want me to do or to do to me. I no longer fear that some day my Mother will get a call that her daughter was found dead in a hotel room.

I know you don't want to bring God into this- but that's what saved my life. I have no doubt in my mind that I would have eventually ended up dead- as many young women in this business do, every day. And, (unfortunately) no one is shocked that you were killed (as they should be for any young woman found strangled or beaten), if your lucky they will put your story on the back page of the local paper as a prostitute that was murdered, no big deal right? everyone expected it... It's sad, but true.

You deserve more for yourself. Please don't get caught in this trap. Men, and some evil women, have built a web of lies they are waiting for us to get caught in.

Also (again, sorry about the God thing), but your local church may be able to help. Many have food banks, and financial assistance.

God bless and I hope you stay out of the business and stay safe!

Don't do it!!!! You can easily get surgery for free if you don't have the money. Just make them send you the bill, then write a letter saying you can't afford it. My husband had a debt of $200,000.00 for surgery and hospitalization, he never paid a thing. Its not worth it!! God loves you, He will provide an answer for you without doing this.

We're further down the line now, and a friend of mine came with some good advice, about an institution that povided poor people with loans, whereas other banks reject them.
Even that special institution rejected my request! The rules are just too strict these days, it's insane.

It's too late for prostitution now, surgery is scheduled for in 2 weeks, we're working on getting the remainder of the money some other way.
But it's long shot and I really have to have tons of luck and some people with empathy who might want to loan me smaller amounts.
People around here are very dry, sober and "not my problem"-like, so fingers crossed.

Oh and God doesn't exist, keep your God to yourself, I prefer your personal kind words over some remark about some god.

That's so sad to hear. God is everything!.. I feel sorry for you. You need to let him in your hart things will be so much better. God will bless you if you let him. I have hope for you.