I Feel Free And Brave

I used to be a very religious christian for many reasons. First of all, it's because of my mother, she's a woman that can talk unceasingly about God, about churches... She affects me very much, she keeps telling me how God loves her, how God takes care of her, how God answers her prayers... Secondly, i'm the only child, i lead quite a quiet life, i have no friends... And i take God as my powerful imaginary friend... I lived in an illusion until i went to university. I myself feel doubtful about my things... Is there God? Is Jesus God's son? Why God made people? Is Catholic really good? Is Bible historically true? Is it true that God answers our prayers or it's just a psychological mechanism?

Questions is hard to answer, i feel scared. It is very easy for me to just believe and hope for the best but i cant do that. I cant spend anymore time in miserables and condole myself that God is challenging me, that God takes care of everything...

The process is long form doubt to fear, and to decide not to believe anymore... When i stop being a christian, i feel that life has all the possibility, the world is open, i feel more tolerable, less selfish, especially i feel free, free to think by myself, free to the guilt of betrayal to "God", free...

There are manytimes i feel so alone in the universe and confused about my significant questions such as: why am i here? where am i going to?... but they are a bunch of curious questions with many likely answers than just..." God made you, be nice and you go to Heaven..."  when i am not a christian...

kusahara kusahara
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 10, 2010

If I could ask, have you ever read the Bible in its entirety? :)

Sounds like you have had "Religion" shoved down your throat most of your life.

When I read this story, I saw myself in it :) And I feel and understand you ;)

i feel the same