Sometimes There Are No Words For It...

I can't even believe I'm writing about this, but something like 7 years ago, I was part of something that I thought was a "think-tank" of young philosophical minds.  An old friend lead the group, and we explored all kinds of different philosophies, from Christianity to Paganism and beyond, questioning their validity and tossing ideas back and forth.  It was a wonderful group for a few years, until my friend started to become...I don't even know how to say this...cult-leader-like?  Suddenly there were rules and expectations of things that seemed unhealthy and unnatural, and if people disagreed, he would argue/manipulate them down into agreement again.  One night, we had an argument online of one of these proportions and he threatened my life, so I told him I wanted to leave the group, and he said it didn't matter, he'd probably kill me anyway.  Even though it was an online discussion, it terrified me that someone I had such affection for would act in this way and be so paranoid about others' beliefs all of a sudden.  I filed a police report and have not spoken to him, or the group, for that matter, since.  I do not know what has become of it or if others have moved on as well, and I don't care to know.  I hope that anyone who was part of it is no longer.  I honestly don't know what else to say...but since that experience I have been very wary of any church, coven, or any sort of religious organization and often find myself terrified of what might happen should I decide to affiliate with another organization ever again.  It is my hope that ANYONE who ever has an experience like this has a support group, a means to get out if they wish.  The true definition, in my mind, of "cult" is an organization of systemic beliefs that you cannot leave by choice, either for fear or other reasons. 

mysticsymphony mysticsymphony
3 Responses Mar 26, 2009

I just saw your post and it's been 2 yrs. I don't know if you even still post on here or not. The forum is called Delphi Forums. The sub forum that I am a part of is called the ICC Discussion Forum.<br />
I'm sorry that I didn't get back to you until just now. I hope everything is going well for you and that you have been able to get support.

Wow, that sounds wonderful and really helpful. What kind of an organization were you in, if you'd care to share? I'd love to see even just a generic forum out there for people...there are really more people than most people realize that go through this and don't tell anyone for a lot of reasons...I imagine one of those motivations is fear (part of why I don't talk about it myself). I'm glad you were able to find a support group- if you know of any others, or if you think this one would be appropriate, please link me and let me know.

Wow! I'm sorry that happened to you. I actually did find somewhat of a support group. It's a discussion forum where people post their experiences that were part of the same organization that I was in. It has helped me a ton since I last posted on here about it.