I'll Try to Make This Short

I enter College. Many people in my family are fately sick. Since i feel I have no control over anything I stop eaiting in January and don't continue to eat till June. I would only eat dinner to keep the secret from my parents. I only started to eat again in June because I needed energy for the daycare children. Febuary-and uncle dies April 17 my grandfather dies. I know that the first week after college is out for the summer, that is the time when we will have the service for him. The third week of May another uncle dies. The week after that My other hgrandfather dies. That October, my Godmother diies. Most of theese loved ones died from Cancer. CANCER SUCKS !!!! So feeling powerless and anxious all the time I started tio cut myself and it released the emotions I had went numb to. I had felt every emotion posible and didn't know how to express it or release my emotions in any other way but cutting. I felt in control during this because Zi would do it alone in secret, not many people knew other thenn my school counsler at the time (I'm a sophmore now), mischevious and I could control when,how long,where and how i would cut myself. before I knew it, I was in the hospital that december for cutting and suicidal Ideation. Then I stopped cutting for the next 355 days. Then I was like screw it, i couldn't fight the urges any longer and cut myself again. That spring, my school counsler was like i can't help you anymore since your still having the suicidal thoughts and I was like, if you drop me,I'll end my life, so again I was put in the hospital. That summer i was in an intensive outpatient program which was okay i guess to a point. then I started up cutting sometime between there and May , 06. I have now almost gone a complete year now and plan to keep it that way. i finally have and excellent ,patient psychologist. Since it was so hard to find s decent one, I am very forunate that i get along with him so well and he has greatly helped me even though i have alot of work I still need to. currently I go to a Bi-Bolar and depression Support group as well as a self injury one. You can learn more about the self injury one by going to http://endallthepain.com/ and  http://launchingpoint.com/ . You can find all sorts of information on these pages, they are a very good guide for information regarding self i injury...Enjoy!!!!

nvpcse nvpcse
22-25, F
1 Response Apr 15, 2007

thank you for you honesty, I am very proud of all that you have been through. Please do me a favor and grab a bible and look up Isaiah 41:10,13. Hopefully this will make you smile. Keep up the good work, I would like to talk with you about my daughter who is 17 and I just found out she used to cut and now has the desire again. I am at a loss. If you can help me please send me a note