My Self-injury Experience

I no longer self-injure, although I do think about it from time to time.

I started to self-injure after my grandmother died; I was 15. I don't remember why I started; I do remember that just a few years earlier, I thought the girls who carved boy's names into their limbs were really stupid, and that anybody who did **** like that was really stupid.
I self-injured through high school, mostly on my arms. I stopped during my senior year, and then began again a year later during a bout with depression.
I did it because I found it relaxing, expressive, and soothing. I liked the way it looked, and the way it felt. I did it because I wanted people to know how much inner turmoil I was in, and I did it because I could never let them know how much I hurt inside.
Although I no longer self-injure, I do get pleasure from slight pain, like hair pulling or spanking. I also get an intense head rush whenever I see my own blood (significant amounts...not just a scratch or scrape).
brokenxtooxoften brokenxtooxoften
22-25, F
1 Response May 18, 2007

YEa, same here. Except im 14 and ive been cutting for about a year now and I get a head rush when i see alot of blood. And before i found this site, no one understood why i loved the sight of blood but now so many people are going through the same ****.<br />
w/b/s