LITTLE Nickel *****

...YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE KID WHO GOES TO SCHOOL IN HAND ME DOWNS; MAYBE THEIR PANTS ARE TOO SHORT, SO THE OTHER KIDS CALL EM "HIGHWATERS", AND AFTER THAT, THE KID IS LABELED AND IF HE/SHE HAS NO {1}SUPPORT SYSTEM OR IS {2}ABUSED AT HOME, OR JUST HAS A PLAIN OLD {3}LOW SELF ESTEEM ISSUE, OVER YEARS THAT CHILD CAN TURN INTO A VERY SAD~ VERY MAD~ MENTALLY ILL~ FRACTURED PERSON. AND IT IS ALMOST STILL ACCEPTEBLE IN THIS DAY AND AGE FOR BULLYING TO CONTINUE. ..I FEEL VERY LUCKY... I WAS ALL OF THOSE THINGS I JUST MENTIONED; NO PITY HERE, BUT I WAS HIT EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID. I WAS RAPED REPEATEDLY AT AGE 3 BY A 17 YEAR OLD MALE BABY SITTER.I DONT KNOW HOW MY PARENTS EXPLAINED AWAY THE BLOOD IN MY PANTIES EVERYTIME BILLY WENT AWAY, BUT THEY DID. SO HE HURT ME OVER AND OVER FOR AT LEAST TWO YEARS...EACH TIME HE DID THIS, HE PAID ME 5 CENTS. HE SAID IF I TOLD MY PARENTS THAT THEY WOULD THINK I WAS BAD AND HE WOULD HAVE TO HURT THEM, SO I DIDNT TELL... UNTIL THE 4TH OF JULY WHEN I WAS 12 WHEN I WAS RAPED AGAIN IN THAT ALLEY. AFTER THE POLICE LEFT, I TOLD MY MOM AND FROM THAT DAY ON, SHE CALLED ME HER "LITTLE NICKEL *****"... WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND WE WALKED TO SCHOOL, I WAS THE OLDEST, SO I WAS RESPONSIBLE TO GET MY BROTHER AND SISTER TO SCHOOL ON TIME. I GOT BEAT UP BY BULLIES ALL THE TIME; EITHER ON THE WAY TO OR FROM SCHOOL. ONE DAY A BULLY GOT MY LITTLE BROTHER DOWN ON THE GROUND, AND JUMPED RIGHT ON HIS HEAD...I WAS BEATEN BY MY MOM FOR NOT PROTECTING HIM FROM THE THREE BOYS WHO HAD ATTACKED US. ONE OF THEM HAD EVEN CHASED ME UP ONTO A STRANGERS PORCH AND PUNCHED ME IN THE STOMACH HARD. WE WERE LOW INCOME, SO WE GOT FREE LUNCH... KIDS PICK ON THOSE KIDS. ~MY CLOTHES NEVER FIT ME; ~I WAS ALWAYS TEASED ABOUT MY HAIR NOT BEING COMBED, OR THAT ~I SMELLED LIKE PEE BECAUSE I HAD TO SLEEP IN THE BED WITH MY SISTER WHO WET THE BED, WE WERE LOCKED OUT OF HE HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL UNTIL MY MOM GOT HOME AFTER 6 P.M. WHETHER IT WAS RAINING OR SNOWING OR HOT. IF WE EVER EVER TOOK FOOD THAT WAS NOT RATIONED TO US, WE WERE BEATEN FOR IT UNTIL THE GUILTY CULPRIT CONFESSED...(IT WAS USUALLY MY BROTHER WHO HAD EATEN IT, BUT JUST TO SAVE EACHOTHER FROM THE WHIPPINGS, EITHER MYSELF OR MY LIL SISTER WOULD TAKE THE BLAME) ONE OF MY MOMS FAVORITE PUNISHMENTS WAS TO MAKE US KNEEL ON A PILE OF NAVY BEANS; (THE DRY ONES OUT OF THE BAG) FOR HOURS UNTIL SHE GOT WHATEVER CONFESSION SHE DEEMED GOOD ENOUGH, AND THEN WE WOULD LITERALLY PICK THE BEANS OUT OF THE SKIN OF OUR KNEES BECAUSE THEY WERE embedDED THERE. OUR SCHOOL WAS APPROX. 89% BLACK; (IT WAS DURING THE DAYS OF "INTEGRATION" WHERE SCHOOLS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WERE BUSSING KIDS IN FROM THE POORER PARTS OF TOWN IN HOPES THAT THEY COULD GET A BETTER EDUCATION). THOSE KIDS CAME FROM A ROUGHER LIFE THAN US, AND YOU KNOW (USUALLY) ALL A BULLY REALLY IS IS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN BULLIED THEMSELVES WHO WANTS TO FEEL BETTER BY MAKING SOMEONE ELSE FEEL BAD. MY 7TH GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER WAS A BLACK WOMAN FROM SPARTANSBURG, S.C. (MRS SPANN) WHO USED TO CALL ME "WHITE TRASH" EVERY SINGLE DAY; WE WENT ON A FIELD TRIP FROM WASHINGTON, DC (WHERE I LIVED), TO NY NY AND SHE ACTUALLY LEFT ME ON THE STATON ISLAND FERRY; TRYING TO LEAVE ME IN NEW YORK CITYREVERSED RACISM. THE WHOLE TIME I WAS IN SCHOOL ,THERE WAS ONLY 1 TEACHER WHO EVER EVEN TOOK THE TIME TO CARE~ I REMEMBER HER; SHE WAS MRS FETTERMAN, BUT SHE COULDNT REALLY DO ANYTHING BUT ACKNOWLEDGE ME; BACK THEN THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS CHILD ABUSE ONLY BAD KIDS.

breezybidj breezybidj
46-50, F
Jul 16, 2007