Me Too

My story is a lot like bluehaiku's.  Innocent perfect life until a really bad person ruined my credit and left me for dead.  I did not have any vices until then.  I dated a couple more people that used me after that, but I suffered an extreme lonliness.  That combined with a super high sex drive led me do date people that I should not.  I started drinking a lot.  I was self destructive.  I went through anxiety with depression and the bi-polar thing after that.  Have been on so many meds that made me worse off than before.  Wished I was dead for a long time.  Could not break out of my moods any other way than cutting.  It would help me numb-out.  If I had not cut, I would have probably killed myself.  I finally found a boyfriend who had went through the same thing and I found out I was not alone.  We are actually on good terms even though we are apart.  Last time I cut my arm, the fat came out.  I needed stitches.  I pulled the skin together with one of those large square bandages that I found out I was allergic to a couple of days later.  I had to cover it up for a whole month in the summer and tell people I fell and scraped it on a nail.  I dont know how I pulled out of those moods, but I have not cut myself for about 2 years even though this last relationship was the most abusive of all.  I think when I became a mother last year, everything changed and I realized that I can survive anything for that baby.  I have a new purpose.  I dont want him to ever end up like I did.

36-40, F
Mar 9, 2009