5 Fresh Wounds In 5 Days

It has been 5 days. 5 days this time and i havent stopped.I wake up and wait for the oppertunity to arise to where I can cut myself. Is life this bad.Do I hate myself that much. I do, but I dont know why really.  I have been like this for over 10 years now. When I had kids tho I had gotten a bit better. With my kids I felt I had something to live for, but lately I am not even sure if they are enough. I know my kids will go on without me.I know that alot of ppl would miss me but If I were dead what does it really matter?I dont know whats soo very wrong in my life. I just cant handle the stress anymore. I have not been eating for a couple weeks now.and when I do eat I throw-up shortly after. I think about cutting myself constantly almost.and the thought of just outright killing myself has been sitting in the back of my mind, never far away. I am supposed to go to a physco appt in a couple days  but I dont like the person that they gave me to talk to.  I want them to give me something else.  I have been trying to call and do something about it but I hang-up the phone whenever anyone answers because I am sure the will tell me I cant do that.  should I just try to handel this on my own and see if I can make it through this time.  I am sure things will calm down in a couple months..  until the next time..well  thats all i have to say for now..  I am out.......
Celez Celez
26-30, F
3 Responses Oct 2, 2006

I've been there too! That hole you're in is cutting you off from the rest of the world. Your children love you and you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for!

I've been there. And those thoughts have completely consumed me before. I used to cut, and I still have the scars to prove it. I completely understand everything your saying. But, I promise to you that all this will end. It won't be that way forever. Just stick it out, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it. <br />
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P.S-If you are a Christian, which I hope you are, then never forget God won't put you through anything you cant handle. It says so in 1 Corinthians 10:13

I hope you find the peace of mind you are looking for. I can see how hard things are for you, but you should always keep in mind that there are people out there that need you and would miss you if you are gone.